I've decided to type in here. It has only been a couple of days, but oh well. I'm just really digging on the Lord durign spiritual growth week....today was really good. It's being done a little differently- like being seperated into different sections like "Intercession" "Worship" and "youth ministry"- i am going to the "Intercession" ane the "prophetic worship" one. Those were so good today. And well, the speakers for the intercession class was good. and something weird happened- this woman...her name is Wendy, and she's an intercessor with Julie Cole, Cory Emory's mom, and Lynn Smith- anyways..it was weird..I got that feeling that I got like a year ago...at the same time that she did- and she went like this "Whoa"- and she like kinda shakes her head...but...it was weird, way down in my gut...a deep of some sort was making my want to buckle over...like go forward, like i was gonna throw up, but not...
Anyways...and it was kinda breath taking...and I was thinking at the same time..- Uh-Oh, Lord!...I am kinda scared about being one of those "weird" intercessory prayer people...who pray like weird-O's....and also...this sense of not being enough consumes me...when I even think about being an intercessor. Like...."What are you thinking, your life isn't all perfect, why do you think you can come to God like this when you still have junk in your cupboards?"- and I KNOW that's Satan trying to attack me and steal all that joy and peace God gives me...when I'm in that place of intercession- and praying and praying in tounges..I know he would just want to make it as human as possible..- AS IF GOD WORKS ONLY IN HUMAN TERMS. God can. But I'm sure He uses the spiritual things to confound the wise sometimes...or the simple to confound the wise. well, nevertheless- God is confounding somebody...and it might even be me at times!

Oh yeah, something i need to remember, is that Candy prayed over me- and she got a picture of me riding on a train and i was going somewhere and that i was lonely, like I was really alone, ...and that I needed to be encouraged that the Lord was with me wherever i go- and she gave me something outta Psalm 23. But it was pretty crazy cuz she started crying like it really meant something to her or...maybe to the Lord. I dont' know, but I'm storing that away and keeping it for when i remember it. Yeah, and Lynn Smith also prayed that I am one who wants to GO. and well, yeah. That's been on my heart ALOT lately...thinking about Israel, thinking about this summer..thinking in the long-term....goal of going to Germany...and well, I don't know what God is for certain gonna do, but as soon as He says it's time to GO, I will definately listen to Him.- i will be obediant. jesus was, unto death.

AHHH. Jesus... hmm. that name. good, good name. I dont' deserve Him. He is too good to me. I think of how close he wants to get to me, and I just cry, cuz I've wanted other guys...not Him. I've wanted other things...like material things...not HIm. I wanted such FOOLISH, stupid things......and now i see what's the MOST valuable- who is the most LASTing and Faithful person EVER....and i realzie even more,, that He doesn't care that I went after those other things anymore...He is just really stinkin' excited to have me back again!! and maybe He's planning stuff for us to do together...or things I can do with Him...!!! OH! Im so excited, but i'm pretty tired too. I need to go to bed, after i brush my teeth ofcourse. hmmm. I've got so much stuff to do- like homework wise...yeah, is sucks, but it will strengthen me....and I'll be an OVERCOMER, because My Father has granted methat....My Father. Hmmmm. My Father. really. it's soo goood...
sweet spring song