well, i am typing in here again, and it's only been a day. But i thought this information was worthy to be typed in here and it is currnetly 2:28 am - But i just got done hangin out with the Guthmeister, and it's been a good time. talking about Junction city, about Carlie and Josh, and about Restoration....and well, it was pretty weird that i asked him if he wanted to hang out and i'm glad i said something about that. Cuz he wouldn't have heard what i shared with him had we not gone to Sharis' and hung out....But i felt like the Lord really wanted me to share a few words of encouragement ...to him about his calling and walking in it...and i really felt that he should just shake all the things that hold him in a hole offf, and completely serve God, minus all the things he has to have and the job he has to have and vehicle he has to have....well, i really felt like their was a spirit of materialism, but i didn't say that right out...and he isn't materialistic, really at...so, I wonder if that has to do with like releasing trust to God. I also really heard from God that Josh needs to know the God of the Impossible, not just the God of the possible things...cuz then God would show himself SOOOO faithful to Josh that he would just be like in awe! Awe of God!
I'm pretty tired, i need to hit the sack. But i needed to write that message before i forgot and it was just gone....like the wind.
sweet spring song
i'm outtie.

It's Wednesday night approximately 12:19...and i'm just really tired. I thought about typing in here before i went to bed...cuz I had afew things i wanted to talk about.
First, i may be going to YWAM salem for the summer, towards the last couple months of summer and i feel God is gonna do sumthin' awesome in my heart during that time...and he's working on me even now. I just need a continuous relationship with HIm...not built on emotions but the word of God. And today, in Major Hebrew Prophets, a woman by the name of Lynn came to speak about the old testament, specifically the book of Jeremiah and she was talking about the Hebrew language and I wanted to go back to Israel SOOO bad when she was talking about it. Actually, when i go back over there i really feel like God wants be to be doing prayer walks each day around the Old City and well, i don't know how big it is...but i wonder how long that would take. So, I'd do that, along with work and learn Hebrew. OH! i love that language. i know it'd be a lot of discipline, which is something God is really trying to work in me right now.

Speaking of which i don't know if I'm doing so hot in my classes. Well, i think partly becuz Ms. Lee's writing class is extremely hard and I've been working WAY too much to be even getting started on her paper, and then when I get home I'm just pooped...it's roughly 12:00 I usually get back...and I can't focus then!....yeah right, even when i convice myself to stay up till 3:00 am!...it still doesn't help. i am totally not focused on my homework. I really feel like i should be workign on campus next year- possibly in the library, in order to have enough time to like do my homework, and just get more studious....cuz that's what God wants to build in me...but i don't just want a learned heart, i want a changed heart that is soft in the hands of the Lord.

Speaking of which once again. tonight as i was driving home...around 11:00 ish I was like thinking about how i was stubborn towards Jacqui, only cuz she's so anal...for real, and i just don't think she likes me...and well. I didn't respond well when she told me some stupid thing and i was just really cocky and stubborn the rest of the night. the night wasn't too good to begin with. I wanted to get some weekend off to go to meet the Jeff guy who is the leader of the Niko in Salem, and well, i saw that both the weekends I could've used to get off we're gonna work for CARLA. and that just ticked me off, cuz I just can't get anything....AHHH!....shoot i just wannna get outta this rat race called "the American Dream"- Becuz i'm finding out more and more that it's really not what i want. what i want is the Lord's will and becuz He is like totally not like the world- and i know that He would be the most blessed out of me having a Submitted and humble heart. That's what i prayed...i don't know if he really heard it..I'm hoping so, cuz i meant it. I just want a broken and contrite heart, cuz i know...God's word says specifically that He won't despies that kind of heart, it says that in the Psalms...

So, i'm gonna go to bed, cuz i wanna try to get up to go hiking, but who knows if that's gonna happen.
i need to be faithful...in the most desperate way....
sweet spring song..