dude, blogger sucks

nevermind, it looks like it got throug to my webpage...
thanks God, yer always there for me

i can't believe this, i just like typed my heart and all of it was stinkin' lost, i'm just gonna cry now...and i hate this blogger now...stupid thing.
this sucks.

i am currently listening to 12 stones and completely broken...well, not really- but wanting to be. i've been wandering off the narrow path....doing things i should'nt and wanting to do the things I should...like pray, like worshiping God, like reading his word, like praising Him for everything He has done for me....and i just can't. I'm a sinner. No really, i am a sinner. and i can't shake it- i can't shake off my sin...i can't get rid of it...it lingers...it beckons, it lures me....entices me. and sometimes i yeild to it, i give in. sometimes (oh, those great triumpant times) i don't and i get victory...becuz i chose to love God and not sin, i chose GOD over my sin...but that doesn't mean it just goes away, infact, it becomes stronger...and it sometimes overpowers me. Like i'm ruled, or governed by something i can't see, or touch....but i feel it, and it still lures, beckons and entices me.

and, oh. when i fall, it really stinks. it smells so bad, like fecal matter, or what i'd like to use to describe falling is somewhat like puke- which i haven't smelled in a while- and i am the dog. I return to my vomit, willingly. it's like i'm on a leash- and there is another master, not Jesus, who leads me over to the vomit and disguises it as something pretty-ish or exciting and then i believe him, even though i know he is the father of lies. nothing is true that he speaks , but he convinces me- that my puke is better than what God can provide for me. and i sometimes believe him, and that's when i fall. and i fall hard. not wanting to get back up, wanting to stay face down in my puke, cuz that's where i belong, i don't even deserve to lift my head- to seek the face of the one that can set me free. and oh! the weight of the hand that is on my neck to keep me where i'm at is soo heavy. i can't break from it myself. or i'll keep falling back down when i get back up- the weight is too heavy, it breaks my back every time and i fall face down in my vomit. yuck. i hate it. and all i know is the stench of vomit, the taste of vomit and the vomit on my face making me ugly. i can't get rid of it. it lingers, it beckons and it entices. i hate it, becuz it is keeping me from freedom. it's keeping me from Jesus.

oh freedom come.
in any form
come and save me
becuz i'm bound and a slave to sin.
i'd rather be humilitated and set free,
than stay in my chains and keep my pride.

this is the person whom God would call
the sweet spring song