So, it works.
and i just don't know what to say. I'm a sinful human being and Jesus is the only one who understands and wants me even still, and I need brokeness and forgiveness. This generation is raging, it's raging full on for an answer, for something to consume it, for love. it's waiting for a real love, not a substitue love, or something that's fading, like the love one would get from a prositute, or from some person, after prom. not that. cuz that's just not love, it's not love......it's not the kind of love i want, it's not the kind of Love Jesus gives. His love is forever, and lasting and unchanging. He doesn't waiver, even if we do. Gosh. I think i know what i'm talking about? Do i? I mean, i know I'm a living example of one who knows God's love, cuz of forgiveness and mercy that He's given me my whole life- but.......i still struggle, i still fall. But then i get up. I brush myself off....but it's the getting up that's the hardest part. I can't sometimes....and I think that's when Jesus picks me up gently and says that He will continue to love me as before. I just hafta let my sin go. I hafta let it go daily. Not ignore it. but forgive myself for things that I have done, that's the worst. I can't get past it...sometimes. But i know what I'm missing if I don't let it go. I'm missing His love. I'm missing his perfect love.

Well, I guess i should update this thing- I am most likely going to China for a year, hopefully. That is if it's God's will. and I will obey Him no matter what it is. and I'm not going out with Josh anymore. i just couldn't - i didn't feel the same way as he does for me. Yeah. I know. i know. i can't make myself like somebody i don't ...like that anyways. So, we're parting. i just know i need to move on, and Josh isn't getting it. he doesn't wanna move on, he wants everything to be the same as it was before. but it can't. I can't.
so i say good bye.

Of all things, i know God wants to be with me even more. as i move and breath, day in a day out. i know i'm born each day, with a chance to be with Jesus. and it's my choice, everyday it's my choice.
i will go now, cuz i wanna check out JC's blogger...
apes

i really hope this entry goes through, i remember last time i tried to type in a big entry, and it deleted. suck.
well, i'm gonna post thins and see if it works.