I just finished You've got mail. I've never believed in email set-ups. Cuz I think, that if you don't spend personal quality time with a person, then you won't really know them. I think emailing is just another way of spilling your thoughts out into a letter and then sending that letter to somebody. and then your character might be completely different, once you meet the person too. Like, if a shy person talks well over the internet...becuz he/she isn't confronted with a person in real life- then, once it comes down to meeting that person...it'll be a whole nother ball game. I hope that's not the way with Alex from England,...whenever I meet him.
Ofcourse, while watching the movie, it always makes me want to drink coffee, so I drank the last few packetts of pretend coffee. Choking them down ofcourse. I thinks it's becuz they talk about starbucks in there. Once starbucks is mentioned, i start foaming at the mouth : )
maybe not so much...

It was cool, today in class- I played the song "Love Song" by Third Day and a boy in class asked me about it. And he asked if the song was directed towards a woman. It does give off that kinda feeling to it, but I pointed out exactly that it wasn't. But that it was the love of God towards His people. And the kid asked me more about the song. I wonder if that is wrong to play songs in the class like that. I wonder if they'll make me stop. But i'll continue untill the doors are shut on me.

I cried last night. I don't know. i think I already talked about this in my last blog.../this morning. I think I've been hitting my head against a brick wall this whole time...hurting myself, while Jesus is speaking to me through other people!....like Jeannie, asking to sing a song with me- and it's gonna be a worship song. And how she wrote me a note for class and it said "God wants you to be happy! Smile!" and how my own MOTHER talks to me about faith, and keeping it becuz God is bigger than I think. And, also...Michael, in Jung Joe, telling me to hold on, and that God is with me...It's all really weird. Becuz I think I'd be all strong and knowing this stuff already. But I don't seem to know it anymore. I need to know it. I need to live it. I remember hearing a preacher once preach that faith is a lot different when you start living it. When you actually carry out your belief. Ofcourse, everything is all comfy cozy when you don't need to rely on your faith. Or maybe the whole time, I was. Maybe now, I just realize how much Jesus held me up before, with what little faith I had. Now He's trying to stretch it.

I can't believe how much I complain. I ask God to keep my complaining tounge behind my teeth and to notice the things He has done for me instead. Realize the blessing of God before it passes.
I seriously hate it when it's that time of the month, cuz i get all emotional and yucky feeling. That's why i felt all yucky this past week i think...good thing it's almost over!

well, I'm out. It's possible I'll read my bible tonight. it's only 11: o clock.
sweet spring song

that was the coolest thing: I just witnessed the beginnings of a wedding! chinese style
I woke to the sounds of a marching band just outside my window..which is on the 5th floor--but it was just a recording.. And a line of cars followed this white car...and pulled up and apartment away fromme- it was all really loud. The music that is. Sandrein told me that the man was inside convincing his soon to be wife to come out, and he had to find her shoes, and put her shoes on. that was custom. And after a long 30 mins. i think, they came out and he was carrying a very white and heavy looking bride. Heavy ofcourse because of the dress! Those cars were all pretty expensive too.I think they rented them. and the bride and groom to be were riding in a limo. He probably has a lot of money...maybe?
Well. Last night was all good.- i spoke with mom and she was talking to be about God stuff and having faith. And it seems like more people keep telling me what I already know, but need to hear. and usually from the most unexpected people.: like mom: this is what she said:

"You, being religious and believing in a God, talk to him. Ask him for strength and to show you the reason you're there. If you don't get rid of the attitude about hating your situation that you're in, nothing is going to get accomplished. Ask God to help you get over it"

Mom was right, even though she's never said anything like that to me before. she's exactly right. especially about me not accomplishing anything if I keep in this attitude....I won't do what God sent me here to do, if I stay like this. Who was it? Jonah? He didn't want to go tell the city of Ninevah that God was gonna forgive them, so he ran and refused. His attitude got him stuck in a whale!
I don't want a whale to eat me, ...or anything else for that matter. and I don't want my sin to destroy me.

It's scary or maybe more profound to hear my mom say things like that becuz she NEVER does. She has never encouraged me in the ways of the Lord before. And all of a sudden she is! It's really cool, i see God using her to comfort me. and God is still for me. no matter IF i sin...if i ask him to forgive me he is faithful and just to forgive...AND He welcomes me back. Just like that. No questions asked.

I'm looking at my hairy ape legs. Very hairy. I'm a furry little monkey! APes! I'm happy to know Michael, the guy from Jung Joe will be able to visit me! He was a tour guide, so he can show me around! Today is wednesday, and Ihave a class at 2:30-4:30. I hope it's better than yesturday.! I'm drinking jasmine tea. The name of my lion...Jasmine. very good name.
I hope i'll be able to see Alex also. He said i should get a summer camp job over where he works in the summer. I'm thinking about it. ...don't know if it'd work out with school and everything.!
SO, i need to visit the fafsa website, cuz i can't remember my pin number, so i'm gonna gothere again.
sweetspring song.

Maybe i shouldn't have begun this morning with Sprite and the 12 Monkey's movie. It seriously ruined the day i think. Cuz i just really sat around, and did nothing. Got up at 10:00- but was awake about 8:30- watched that movie, got lunch. finished movie and went back to bed, to sleep the day away. sadly enough.
i could've almost forgotten i was in China, if i didn't leave my room. shoot. why did i hafta leave.
i slept, and it was pretty long, 2 and half hours, i think. So, i woke up around 5:00 for sure, and i made myself get up, cuz i won't be able to sleep tonight < i thought.
and Alex was on, so i chatted with him for a bit. and he said i sounded like i was depressed..a.nd i said yeah, cuz there's nobody over here to talk to- even the american dude over here from Washinton, Brian,..doesn't even talk to me...they're all secluded...like don't like to say much to me. At least my students want to hang out with me. But that kinda sucks after a while, cuz they dont' know what I'm saying some of the time and i hafta repeat things...which is hard to even make a friend. But Jeannie, the one i'm gonna do the song with- she's definately a sweetie. She's helped me hold onto God, when it was tough, and encourage me....and i'm not even sure if she believe in Jesus. Every time I talk about Him to her, i feel as though i have no place to. Cuz here I am-- falling apart at the seams in my faith-- and I'm talking to her about God's love, even why I myself am questioning it. When i don't need to. that is what's humbling. He's still uses me, even when I am shaking in my faith in Him. I dont' understand. I'm falling apart here! I can't stand! I dont' even have a regular quiet time anymore. It's worse than before I left the USA, being here.
MY lower back is killing me. I wonder if it needs to get cracked. And i'm really hoping that Sharron will be able to give me some medicine soon, cuz my skin is seriously breaking out. I knew autumn wasn't gonna do it for me. Some times ...man, She's just really annoying...and she thinks she's normal...like she's not annoying. There's nothing wrong with her. right chucky. I kinda miss her i think. She's getting really cool camping stuff and that kinda makes me mad, cuz i wanna get good camping stuff. better tent for sure and camping equipment- like stove, pots, warm clothes that are good for the cold, ...i dont' know. I should plan a heavy duty hike when i get back, i wanna get outside.

I will go now. Holding onto the hope of that last blog i typed, yesturday.
sweet spring song.