I"d like to think of myself as Eowyn...with the strength to fight in battle as well. To see the enemy flee before me. I think the Lord wants to show me how to use the sword, but i'm too lazy sometimes, when he asks me, if I'd like to go out to practice.
I can feel my teeth move a bit now. It's kinda funny. Like, a baby inside ..or something: "I felt it kick honey!~" Rather, i feel my teeth move.
well, i was suppose to go out to eat with my friend, But for some odd reason he never showed up. that sucks, cuz i wanted to go to the Western restaurant and see how good it was. maybe they had thanksgiving things to eat there today...: ( sad. I resorted to eating noodles and the rest of my sad ice cream. The ice cream over here is more like frozen whippcream, or something like it. Not as good though. this was my thanksgiving. It is alright. I know that is only for a time, and my real feast is waiting in heaven for me, along with my Father, who I am thankful for... Iknow this day isn't about me anyways. it's about being thankful for others.
I reflect on things that i am thankful for. God's faithfulness for one. And His promises for another. I am reminded of His promises...sometimes. But i forgot some of them. I think.. I long for more promises from Him. I long to hear His voice clear enough, to where it's just a whisper in my ear, and the promises flow out like a river.

Those days ....aaahhh, i remember those days. I cannot stand this anymore.... keep reflecting on what I remember about God, instead of being overwhelmed with it still... My radicality has slowly dwindeled, and my passion is sucked from me....I cannot stand it anymore. I resist, with the only strength I have. and sometimes even that fails me.
Let me not dwell on it. I know, the Lord must be on my side in this-- He must be preparing something in the trail ahead of me.
Well, the happy part of today was that i heard from Becka and she wants me to go to Ireland with her. Backpacking! We be trekkin' together! and we could visit her family on an island somewhere there. Anyways. We could find some sorta hiking trails and then, if anything else, just hike across the Island just beside a road or something. I'm all about it. Autumn and I were gonna go, but ofcourse Autumn's trying to convince me that there's NO way i could go. I"m thinking' "Yes! There is" First Becka said she'd like to go to Nepal, and i"m thinking "MMM, i kinda wanna get OUT of Asia, and get some good ole' american hiking in" And, so we both think that hiking Ireland is good. I could just open a credit line to travel, plane ticket's won't be that expensive....and ofcourse have some money saved up. I think all this is good. I am a traveler, it's always been in my blood. Getting out in the world and see things that many people haven't seen....some good some bad. But the good far outweighs the bad, I saw a little of it when Becka and I went out to the waterfalls. There are beautiful places in the world, even in China if I get to look enough. I must seek them out.

Welp, here I go now, watching my third movie of the day. i watched Finding Nemo for the billionth time and then I'm watching The Two towers again....always...i love that movie.
I will go to bed late tonight I feel. I took a 3 hour nap today! if boredom sets in, I always take a nap.
sweet spring song

I am reading Isaiah. Becuz the Lord reminded me "What is the book that you like to read?" becuz i asked of Him : "God, which book do you want me to be reading?" and that response came back quietly, and subtly. simply. And i said, well, Isaiah. I've always loved reading that book. It's such a good one, prophetic, lovely representation of God...and merciful. 46:12-13 says:
"Listen to me, you stubborn of heart, you who are far from deliverance: I bring near my deliverance, it is not far off, and my salvation will not tarry; I will put salvation in Zion, for Israel my glory."
Even those who are stubborn will hear it, and some will turn away and some will embrace Him and turn away from their sins, and idols.
I realize, i never want to capatalize satan's name. Becuz he has no place in even a sentance, for honor. Of having his name capatilized.

I encouraged mama yesturday with words from Brother Lawrence about God's goodness and what it really means to be a Christian. Man. I ask myself "Where do I get off telling people about the goodness and mercy of God?? Who am I to say all these things, especially becuz of all the things I've done against the very thing I preach." I know ofcourse, I come out of my sins, with victory, becuz I chose Jesus over my guilt and shame. I choose to walk in forgiveness. It's a choice. I know. Sometimes those sins do plague me and haunt me. But i needa be freed from even the remembrance of them.

Man. I think of God, and all the blessing He's brought to me, his daughter. Everything that I'm undeserving of. Thank You Lord. For friends, for your family, the family of God that remains there, even when things get tough. Thank you Lord for my enemies, who challenge me to walk closer to you, regardless of their hard heart towards me and You. NO matter what. ....Lord, you said it to me and I say it to you....NO matter what I will love you. Always. I can't give up becuz you will never give up on me.

I think of the future too much. I think of things and plans that I dont' know yet. I think of where I am not. I should put my mind where it should be. Here, and now. The future will worry about itself, for sure. What am I to do here? In China? Reflect the character of the Lord-- show these chinese people that God is real. Love them like the Lord loves them. Ofcourse the grace and patience that I have towards them is what is the most challenging. I need to work on them. Those character traits in me. So that, when i face them in the future, that I can say: "I did not come through the fire and flame of God's refinement to deal with a mindless worm of a weakness, It does not shake me." And i can stand up under it. The Lord is faithful. That's the lesson in life for me. And at the end of the rope, i will always say, and remind everyone else, "the Lord is faithful".

Psalm 25:4-5:
"Make me to know your ways, O Lord; teach me your paths. Lead me in your truth, and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all day long."

i will hold onto you Jesus. for you love me and I love you.
sweet spring song.

I don't know what I was thinking. Did I say to myself "OH! I think I'll look WONDERFUL with braces oN!" Am I a lunatic!! what was I thinking!!!!!!!!!
I look dog ugly and i guess that's alright for now. I mean. I can live with being a guy-repeller, that's fine for now. But how long am I gonna need these on for? MMM. maybe 2 years. MAX. I'm thinking. Well, i'm glad that first months with braces on will be here, in this land of confusion.
My mouth feels SOOO BIG...like, the braces stick out and I can't close my mouth all the way, unless I try. And these are ghetto braces, I swear. They look dog ugly. NO beauty here. other than inside. It's alright. I'll be okay. I wonder when the pain will settle in.
The doctor was merciless. It WASN'T NICE! I had this thing in my mouth to hold it open for like EVER and it pressed really hard against my tooth roots and I just wanted to HIT my doctor! It hurt and he kept telling me not to touch it...well, pushed my hand away that is....He can't speak english. But through my friend who was there translating, she told me to hold still. And i'm like "YeAH! Right chucky." as if it was that easy....they aren't the ones is pain. And it wasn't just a quick pain, like a cut or something. It was a slow pain...like constantly pressing and pressing....and it drove me nuts.

Well, I will make something easy to eat. Like oatmeal, or soft noodles. Yeah. easy does it.
chow
the-not-so sweet spring song

don't ask me why i'm eating ice cream and it's cold outside. It's the middle of November. I am doing thanksgiving things for my classes. Wearing a feather in my hair to represent my people. And I'm sharing stories with them about what really happened during the First thanksgiving. It's crazy how we distort things- to make them be what we want them to be.
a short hello.

I still dont' have the braces.
this is getting ridiculous. i'm stinkin' impatient, I know.
But maybe he will lower the price once he gets back.
I'm hoping that someone over there in Oregon will be able to take my braces off...and get a check up every month.
I'm digging on some Frankie and Billie right now...good ole' tunes, that make me think of coffee shops in eugene....setting up for Christmas time for sure.
I sure do miss a little of the life over there right now.
Oh well, all is well. all will be well no matter what.
I'm gonna hit the sack.
chow