I'm listening to christmas music online right now. I just listened to Cheech and chong christmas song again. I know, i'm pathetic. But, i just decided to type today, cuz it was the first time i went to a Chinese church- it's the 3 self church, or whatever it's called. and there were tons of people, sititng on the cold cement,with little pads of cloth under their butts. it was really huge in there, and very stinkin' cold. And it seemed more like a religious grind than anything...the standing up, sitting down, standing up...and sitting down again. and my student told me what she was preaching...and it was good. It really spoke to me..."God gives you strength when you don't have any...." .."You can do anything when you have God's presense"....and phrases like this...that i'm hearing my student tell me. Who isn't actually christian. She said that she thinks she believes in Buddah...and i'm thinking that she only believes that becuz it's chinese. If she gave Jesus some thought, then she would know---what He did for her. Anyways. i was talking to her about this stuff afterwards too. We left around 10:00- we were there for 2 hours, and it was stinkin' freezing....none of the buildings have stinkin' heaters in them! it's sooo annoying! anyways. most of the people in the church were old women.
so, we read from Luke and 2 Timothy. It was pretty cool. I read 2 Tim. just a little bit ago--to be ministered to a bit more from the Word, it seems like a long time since the Word actually spoke to me. Sad. i know. What more spoke to me was 4:2
"preach the word; be ready in season and out of season;reprove, rebuke, exhort, with great patience and instruction."
And so i fail miserably at this every day that i'm here I think. I seem to be getting no where with my students, and quickly. Like, ofcourse, i try teaching (and i'm mightly sucky at that)- and when i get to spend time with them ...just hanging out...i talk about God, but what else? What else should I do? I mean, i don't seem to be making any difference. I hope God is working beyond what I can see with my own two eyes.

As for right now, i just pray that i would be obediant to what He wants me to do. I'm gonna try to save up as much as I can- of my money that I get from teaching, and get the heck outta here. But that'll be in like 2-3 months. i think. So, it's alright. I will know then, if I should leave.
I don't know what i'm gonnado for Christmas either...yet.
I went to this elementary private school yesturday, and afterwards they took us (this Nepalise girl-who is going to this school to learn Chinese) out to eat to a pretty nice place. Oh. the food was great. i had tons of fun, and was extremely tired. I slept for 3 hours afterwards, and then, today, after getting back from the Church, i hit the sack again for ..ooohhh, i think 3 hours again. Man, i'm a stinkin' lazy butt. Oh well, i like sleepy!
anyways. i think i'll buy some of that nasty powdered coffee again. yuck. it's NO WHERE near as good as the real stuff. Man, i dream of the day that i can sit down, maybe at Barnies, or Full City, or maybe starbucks? and just sit and read and drink coffee untill my skin starts to turn a darker shade of brown! he,he,he,he!
So, all in all, I find that the life here is basic and minimal in excitement, but i should be excited, right? I'm in a different, strange land...and I can travel around! all next month! i hope i can go to that island- Hainan Island, and hopefully with Star, i hope she has some time off of work. She's fun to hang out with. Yup. that's MY christmas vacation! a tropical island in the south! nice. I hope i can go scuba diving! oh, yeah. God's got the idea.
Welp, chow for now
sweet spring song

I have no way of getting out of here. So, i take that as a response from God that He still wants me here. No matter how bad i want out. When i feel unsafe, vulnerable,..scared. Yeah. All these things would make a person run the other way. Run for safety that is. Yet, i must stay. I hate this. But, I will make it through, becuz the Lord is for me. Maybe this is what Joshua 1:9 is all about. Me- not being afraid. To be courageous and stuff, facing all these things over here with no fear. Yeah. No wonder God always reminded me of it. He knew that I was gonna be like this over here and I needed the extra reminding.
Anyways. I hope I can go to the Island in the south with Star. Hopefully we can go scuba diving! OH that would really make my new year! for real. I am just dying to go swimming. and to be in a tropical place like that. OH. that would rock. nice beaches, warm sun. That's all i want. So, hopefully Star would know somebody down there, and possibly have a week off, so we can go there. Take the train, or plane. I don't know. I don't know how much money i'll have.
I should visit SIAS some time. I'll wait to get a response from Ryan though and see if he's talked to the people he knows.
He seems nice enough. It was really cool to get prayed for by somebody. and for chinese students to be praying for me...so kind to be thinking about me. I don't deserve it.

So i'm outty. I am really sick of sitting in front of my computer. I'm gonna need to find something to do for a whole month! UGH! i hope i wont' be bored.
Sweet spring song.
(wanting to change my name to Eeowyn- imade it up! it's another form of Eowyn, on LOTR)

I don't want to stay. I know this.
I'm wanting what God wants now. I've stopped panicking. I've started prayin'. a bit. just a little bit. But I can tell you right now. I AM sick of being here. But I want what God wants. That's all I prayed. "Let your will be done on earth and IN ME, as it is in Heaven." Whatever the will of the Lord is it will be done. And I'm sorry for being so stubborn. I told Him that. Now I just sit and wait to find out what the will of the Lord is.
I'm making rice, with the tomatoe, onions, and eggs. Shoot, i never get enough of it. I wonder if I've gained any weight? I hope not. well, it's for sure i haven't been getting that much exericize. But Michael told me that he knows somebody that LOVES to hike and they go out alot, like a lot of weekends...and I asked him if he could tell them, that I would like to go with them.
IF it's the Lord's will for me to stay here, then I would need LOTS of help on teaching. Becuz honestly, I'm racking my brain on HOW to teach this kids, and I'm clueless!
man. apart of my braces keeps getting stuck in my lip. UGH. I hates that. I think i'll watch Lord of the rings again. I was suppose to go to the zoo today with some of my students...but they didn't call. and I was waiting for them to call!
I hope they didn't show up somewhere and was waiting for me again, like last time...cuz i didn't show up! that would be so sad!
Well,
I shall dash now. cooking time.
Chow,
sweet spring song.