well then.
last night, contemplating in my mind- i really had a desire to go out and get drunk (ofcourse i didn't becuz i've been set free- and i was making the choice of NOT doing that)--- but this sprung a WHOLE nother thought:
"Why do we WANT (or have the desire) to do bad things?"-
and i asked another buddy of mine who has recommited his life to Jesus- about this. and he's a bit hard to have intellectual conversations with- cuz he just ends up making a joke out of it somehow- but anyways: this thought was plaging me all night long- where does this nasty thing to do "wrong, bad, evil or sin" come from? WHY do we have this "bad" desire??
From other people I worked with- who aren't really christian- said to me: "Well, getting drunk isn't bad...i like getting drunk-" and then my argument to that is:"Well, it's BAD for your body though- isn't it?"
and ofcourse they had to agree with me, cuz it really IS bad for your body to do things like drink excessively, or do drugs- or what have you-and so then, the question STILL remains- and SOME people don't even think there IS a question at stake here: their mindset isn't even to the things of "good things" and "bad things"--- they think of everything as neutral. they have no reference point, no starting block of "GOODNESS" to compare things too.
but as christians we Do have a reference point- the Bible and Jesus- so we must face this question with all reality and thought as we can. (becuz i am convinced not that many people know WHY they believe what they believe- and we NEED to know- that should be our habit)
last night- i was asking myself "WHY do i desire to go out and get drunk- WHY do i desire to go out and do BAD to myself/my body? (which was the underlying question really)"--- knowing that i've already past the point of wanting to go out- i didn't anymore-- i started to examine my heart:
1. we are all human (I am human): this could mean in a sense, that I am not perfect.
2. we all sin (I sin): i (we) have learned it and it has become habit (first nature) in my(our) life
3. we (like adam and eve) have a tendacy to act against God's awesome and loving will for our lives (I have a tendacy to want those things that are bad for me-and those very things are the things that God doesn't want me to do): I(we)am a rebellious person(people), I(we) do not trust God when I(we) should, I(we) dont' follow his advice for my(our) life.

and I am convinced that we can undo this messed up mindset of badness-(not guilt for doing wrong, or EVEN the feeling of guiltiness)- but the habitual mindset of badness we have created becuz we have chosen wrong our whole lives.- I say in Number 2 up there, that this "badness" or sin in our lives- is First Nature to us because we have to learn how to be nice to people- it already comes naturally to be bad- take for our example: a child:
This child sees another kids toys and wants them, he then proceeds to move in for the kill to take one for his own, even though it's not his toy.
Do you usually find a child in this type of senario? OR in this one?
This child sees another kids toys and want to play with them, he then thinks of how that kid might feel if he would rudely go up and just take a toy- so then to consider this other kids' feelings, he then proceeds to go up and ask "Can I play with your toys please?"
I do often find this 2nd senario happening.
Let me propose then that we are children. But we are children born to a fallen nature- meaning-our FIRST nature should have been the goodness (like the second senario-up there)- but becuz of adam and eve, we were all affected and our First nature then became the Badness (which i think would have been 2nd nature to us- we would have had to practice and try our hardest to learn how to do this "badness"- just like today we have to practive and TRY our hardest to learn how to learn this "Goodness"). So- then - how to undo this "badness" First nature in ourselves? I first admit to all of the above (natures of a human) and be humble (knowing that Jesus loves it when i'm humble-cuz then he can love me all the more!) and WORK ON, or LEARN, what "Goodness" is in God's eyes (not the worlds'). I think this last one is the hardest thing to do, becuz i'm learning something new.

So- i guess i don't really have an answer - but i have hypothesis- as to "Why do we have desire to do "bad?"- all of which i explained above.-- Ofcourse, C.S. Lewis- in Mere Christianity- explains this a whole lot better than I can- AND in the view point of an atheist (becuz he was one for a long time). So, if ever a person would want to delve into this subject more- this is a good book to look up.

But all in all, I am in awe- of God- of Jesus- Becuz YET- even though we continually choose this "badness", He continually lavishes us with these beautiful surroundings- sunsets, hills, waterfalls, streams, deer, cute little doggies, and He continually chooses to MEET our physical needs- like food, shelter, clothings, etc. He has nothing but love to give to us 24-7, REGARDLESS of our habitual First Nature-badness. He chooses to love.
We choose to do bad.
but yet,
sometimes,
we choose to do good. and those are the memorable times.