Hey- yup. I got a minute to type some lovin'.
I'm groovin' with some Jazz, mixed up with some Tony Bennett and Frankie.....good stuff I say.
It was weird seein' Josh. Just weird, I tell ya. But it's fine...i'm doing alright. I couldn't really even make eye contact with him. NO shame though, no shame...that's not God's promise to me
OH! Speaking of promises and blessings and such. Last night at Eddie and Alisa's house, it was soooo wonderful and powerful...a couple of us...well, quite a few of us were being broken and contrite, and seriously crying out to God cuz we've been messin' up---- not just me....And I thought I was the only one. Stupid me. Self-centered me. Oh well. I'm done.
But, anyways. that was awesome. Jesus just touched all of our hearts and was seriously speaking to us and showing us who HE really is. NOT this fault-revealer...but this fault-forgiver...and He's always forgiving. I get so overwhelmed with the idea that I hafta do something to make up for all my mistakes...or that He will never take me back. Condemnation is strong. but this all means one thing---God wants me still. He wants to be with me. And there's only one way I can get there. Forgiveness and repentance and TURNING FROM MY SIN...FOREVER! Every day forever. and I know that God wants to deal with stuff inside me- from the past.....things that only a few people know...and God. So, He wants to heal me up, cuz He's sick of seeing me limp around, when I should be standing on the mountain tops singing and dancing in His presence!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Gosh. The Lord does really call me the sweet spring song.
Anyways.
I talked to Greg also, yesturday, right before Eddie and Alisa's and - he's not doing too good at all. He's where I was, when I was in China..and....not knowing what to do. He doesn't' want to pray, cuz he doesn't think that God is listening, and he doesnt' wanna read the bible becuz it doesn't do anything...inside he's numb. I know what He's talking about. Cuz I was there in China. But the thing is---Greg's been dealing with this for a couple years now. He' needs deliverance and more healing himself. But he's gotta be the one who asks for it. I can't make him want healing....or God can't. but Jesus DOES keep the door open for him ALWAYS HOPING FOR HIS RETURN, --somewhat like the Return of the King, in the lord of the rings. Like, he's gotta step up to the plate and say "I want Jesus- and nuthin' but him"---- but he still wants stuff in the world. He's going out with a girl that's not saved, and going to bars and other stuff I'm sure. I wish I could just lock him in his room and he couldn't ever leave...but that's not love, and that's not what GOD would do- suprisingly enough!
Anyways. Desperation has hit me...and I'm hungry for Jesus to fill me up. I've been thinking about fasting, but I don't think so...Cuz I'd be going without anything for a whole 30 days. But If it's the Lord's will He will have me....and fill me up...cuz it's His desire to see me in completeness. NO more scraggling behind in the mud....Time to stand on the mountain side and sing and dance with Him. CUZ that's really my desire too.
Chow.
sweeter spring song