currently,
should be studying even more for this test in Bio. But i just can't concentrate- and i'm like totally dead branied right now. there's really nothing more i can study.
Last night it was all just hitting me: the whole "life" question---like : what am i gonna do with my life?? What kinda job am I gonna get? Should i really be a Dental Assistant? Should I go for outdoor recreation? What should i do? I'm so stinkin' lost, i don't know what to do- sharron was trying to comfort me last night, before i went to bed (at a nice 9:45pm)- and she told me the story of Jessica- and how she found the most perfect job for herself and everything just worked together for those who love God/Jesus. I am kinda mad, at the same time sad- cuz i don't know WHAT THE HECK I'M GONNA DO! i need a JOB! like RIGHT NOW.
and i thought this time off of work would be like basking in the field of the Lord's pasture, but it's been like being put in a vice grip- and satan is tightening the pressure.
I can't escape it.
I'm worried. I don't have a job, and i need to be able to pay Sharron rent all summer long- along with my braces. I'm just worried. I hate this feeling. I wish i had like parents that supported me through my life- and they could help me out- but i've never been able to count on them for ANYTHING....they wont' even help out with my wedding--whenever that happens. It sucks having non-supportive parents...UGh.
I just got into this whole "woe-is-me" attitude last night, and i woke up without it...but now that i'm talking about it now...it's starting to creep up on me...no. Then i will stop talking about it.

I've thought about having a dinner-kinda thing over at sharron's house for Eddie/Alisa, Brandi/Zack, and Rachel and Greg and whoever else wants to come- i wanna make a pasta dish. I've been sooo into Italian food since watching "Under the Tuscan sun"- good movie.

Anyways, an exam awaits me in 10 minutes, so i must dash hither.
Ciao,
APes

well, there's this kinda quote that I've been thinking about:
something about living...or something. I can't think of it now..but it's about life.
Last night before I went to bed, I decided to read some of my old-old journal entries, from like 1995- I was 15 yrs. old...and i was really hurting then. I'm so glad that the Lord saved me when He did, or else I'd be falling apart at the seams. I was suicidal, hopeless and empty. I was one of those empty shell people, who could have gone through life comletely screwed up. I'm so glad I'm not like that anymore.
I'm sick of going to school. I just wanna find a job and work- but at the same time I don't wanna get a crapy job. A good job, which I can build off of.
I ate sooo much food last night. I was craving eggs, so i cooked up 4 eggs and ate them at like 9:30 at night!---I'm sure it's becuz of all the running I've been doing. As much as I can, i spend the gym time running.
I'm thinking I'm gonna meet with Roger and find out from him what would be a good school to go to for like an Outdoor Recreation major. I'm so worried, if I ended up going for something like that- i wouldn't find a job anywhere! AUGH! that would suck...but i guess i take that risk with anything--plus this would give me the opportunity to move around...when I really want somebody to settle down with.
My heart is like torn into different directions it seems- everyday.
I'm SOOO sick of school!
anyways. I gotta either find a job or go to school in the summer! and i don't really wanna do school in the summer.
SO, Ciao...i hope to go to Italy some day too..hopefully.
April

I am kinda in that weird stage of reflection lately.
I don't have much time to type, but I will. I didn't get to have a quite time this morning, cuz i had to come into school early- 7:30, to type up Environ. Science stuff.
I'm thinking about switching to Umpqua Comm. College by next summer.
I really hope to get some sorta outdoorsy-recreationy kinda job. I'll email this woman that is the head of the program to find out if i can get into it and what the job opportunities are afterwards.
I love going outside and hiking and stuff...
I look forward to going to Ireland.
But I hafta SAVE SAVE SAVE. autumn keeps whinning to me about saving up and i'm like "DUDE! CALM THE FRICK DOWN!"
I bought the movie Under the Tuscan Sun. I like that movie. I would like to go to Italy some day also...
Hmm.
So i should go to the gym right now...run 1 mile before class.
Ciao.