I'm thinking about moving home
and I'm quite serious. I'm not finding any jobs out here and I'm kinda worried, financially wise- about not getting a job and having to pay for things- like ORTHO bills.
Gosh i wish it didn't hafta be like this- i wish we could all just live off the land like the natives- back in the day, when theh Lord of Heaven was our provider....UGH. i just don't wanna get into that mindset.
I'm actually really happy about going home- i love home. I wouldn't mind moving back, i just gotta find a job soon thereafter. I'm currently factoring how much everything would be, driving-gas, food, stayin' somewhere, and getting my van checked out before I leave. I'll ask Brandi's dad- Doug, if he knows a place where I can go.
I really do wanna move back home and start over there again, I miss dad so much and I'd really wanna be there for Amber's wedding and make it special- becuz it seems like she's not making any big deal about it- like it's just one more thing to do.
Ugh.
I don't know.
Maybe i'm bailing Oregon just when God is gonna open a REALLY BIG DOOR- like the one to my heart- for that special somebody...But I don't wanna just sit around like an old maid and wait for him to come along. I am paitent, the Lord knows that- but at the same time I'm really praying that GOD would intervene and do His will no matter what I'm thinking of doing. I mean- would He LIKE me to go back home to Michigan, or is that just ME talking? Is the lord about to open this big ole' door to my heart, and I'm leaving right in the middle of the storm called faith?
Who knows. I'm just believing that the LORD will bring a turning point for me right now.
I'm 24- it's time to be an adult...and it's time for me to put some roots down. I'm really ready to begin again somewhere. I'm ready to move on. I'm ready to plant myself...GOSH. I WANT A FAMILY....UGH. THIS IS THE BIGGEST CRY OF MY HEART RIGHT NOW. i just want somebody to love and to take care of and love and ...well, all i can think about it how i'm not even ready- cuz i don't even have a job!.,
I PRAY THAT GOD'S GRACE WOULD BE THE MOST SUFFICENT FOR ME IN THIS SITUATION AND THAT I WOULDN'T RUN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STORM AND THAT WHATEVER IT IS- THAT I FOLLOW THE LORD'S LEADING.
Oh, how i love HIM and long to live for him the rest of my days.
I ask for his divine counsel.
AMEN.