Hey.
I'm at mama and papa Guth's house, using their computer- i kinda feel bad about using their computer when I ask- only sometimes though.
Brandi is here,...but she talks to me like I'm a stranger...like we've hardly known eachother...and I really think that sucks. It's sad that she's turning out like this, since going out with Zack. Doesn't she see that she's basically tossing me aside and forgeting about the friendship she use to have? I won't be here forever.

Anyways. enough of that. I have a coffee in my system right now, so, i'm typing super fast. I hope that me working at Dairy Mart will make a LOT of money- actually, i was thinking about making a whole bunch of necklaces and selling them- maybe at church. I can set up a table...but I think to myself (who would want to buy one of my necklaces?) Who knows.
I hope once I move home that I'll soon be able to move out of the house- cuz i don't wanna be stuck there...becuz it might get a little gritty after a while. .
My hair is kinda dreading up right now, he,hehe...
"If you always do what you've always done, You'll always get what you've always gotten. "- this is the saying that's up in the computer lab at EBC.

SO, i thought i might just update this for now. ciao bella.
apes

I have time now to type a little bloggedy-bloggster.
I'm listening to Rat Pack on Accuradio.com, frankie is singin' it live and fresh.
it was so funny- I'm at the Eugene Library typing right now, but see the lib. opens at like 10:00- and there were people standing outside the doors- of the library, like it was a new opening Starbucks! It was pretty funny, as soon as the doors opened everyone piled in, seemingly like they are hungry beasts for knowledge, or computer usage, possibly the latter. It made me think of Ms. Lee- and that this pack of wolves, gnashing their teeth outside of the library doors, as if the librarians were holding a bloddied peice of sheep meat in front of their eyes...somewhat invited me to a creative peice of insight to people and knowledge.
Gesh. I want to be that hungry for knowledge- like Ms. Lee is. She is for truth. She is hungry for truth- and knowing. Just knowing things. Like random truths...to be a person who stands outside of the library doors- and be hungry for truth like that is somewhat desirous to me. I want to be like that. I want to sit for hours researching some certain thing, that I decided to research, for no reason at all. I want to desire it that much- but I don't have the drive. I've got no desire to do that at all. and that's sad to me. It's quite depressing. Like this hidden treasure is only hidden becuz I decide not to unlock the chest-and open it up and see what's inside for the first time---and keep returning for more and more information, like it was watering me, like a thirsty plant.
I want that.
But I don't have it.
UGH.
I guess I'm amongst the ones who would rather resort to the computer and it's endless resources- than to opening a hardback and hear the pages turn- and smell the old mustyness, and actually TAKE TIME TO LEARN...becuz I want everything here and now. So, i resort to the computer. GOSH. that sucks.
I'll learn someday. I'll learn to learn, how to use these resources that are so freely available to me- Yeah, I will someday. Maybe when I return home- cuz we have a really good library.....Yeah. I'll do it someday.
UGH. Somedays.
I hate "someday"- it really means to say that you'll never get around to doing "it"- whatever "it" is- and you keep putting it off, cuz you'd really rather spend your time doing something else.
Someday.

So, i can't wait to go home. Home is currently where my heart is and it's really making me happy. I'll surely find a job and go to NMC and finally graduate with something- even if it be a "Culinary Arts" major. I can go further than that, I know. But that is just increasing my financial aid debt..>! ACH! Du lieber!.
Oh well, i'll pay that off someday.
HA! Someday.

So, this is my journey. I've lived here in Oregon,...and God has stretched me and tried me a little bit, i'm sure. and I've grown to love him, with an everyday kinda love...it's cool. I'm really happy. It's like I've lived outside of the "bubble" for a while and God has developed me as a woman of God on His own terms. safely.

So, Love.
LOve and always love.
Keep eyes on HIM.
He is truly only worth every breath and every sigh.
Jesus.
Love.
Ciao-
Sweet Spring song

WOW. i haven't posted in a while.
OH~ well. plans have changed. Whatever plans man makes the Lord changes. Or-er---how does that scripture go, man makes his plans but the Lord directs his steps. I guess the Lord chooses how the plans are carried out-
I will be leaving. To move home after all. It's time and the Lord has confirmed it. I just need to get a quickie job - like working at the Dairy mart or Sub way. something easy and simple where I can just work a whole lotta hours and get money. I know that the Lord is wanting me to go home now- it's not just me.
He said to me: Yesturday, during a quite time-: Genesis 31:13- and He is telling Jacob to return to the land of his birth...so, i feel like he is talking to me. and it's really time now. I just gotta break the news to autumn, maybe she will follow me out there.?! who knows.
But I'm going to NMC in the fall, i'm gonna fill out an application today and check up on some applications.
I'll leave the beginning of July- that's what I'm telling everyone...OH. it's gonna be such a HOT ride out to Michigan. I remember autumn and I driving out here- and it was pretty hot out- but then again it was like August I think.
So, i'm more happy about this than anything now. and Sharron is excited for me.
i just hope i hear from someplace to work soon.
Apes