everyone who can read this:
please pray for me, cuz i somehow got a sore throat and temp (102 degrees!) from some of my friends...and i just got medicine for it today. I was having really weird dreams last night- cuz my temp. was so bad.
I've been sleeping on and off for 2 days...totally tired still.
So i just typed to say that.
bye

Proverbs 18:14
"Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the LORD."

When i think of my future- and if I'll get ANY sort of blessing, or inheritance from my parents- i draw a blank, cuz they have never given- even though they live in luxury (Mom and Tom)- in comparison to me that is: They have never been there for me or my sisters- we expect nothing from them, but they expect everything from us.

But I think of this verse - as i was at work, reading the bible online (becuz i realize that it's been a couple days since I've listened to the lover of my soul)and i have like NO customers!
So- this verse makes me think of how I WILL BE THE INHERITANCE- and HOW JESUS IS MY LORD, SO HE WILL BE MY PORTION- meaning, I have everything in the world (not just counting those stupid material things that this world longs and works for)
I pray that i would be a prudent and patient wife for my husband...OH. God knows this.
AMen.
april melody.
otherwise signed as Sweet Spring Song

"Oh mercy fall on me,
Like a warm blanket,
on my cold cold heart.
Cover me with your love and
hold me tight, like a baby,
till I have no memory of ever
breaking your heart, your heart"
- Waterdeep and 100 Portraits in Enter the Worship Circle One.

Ya really hafta listen to the song to dig the music.
Well.
I read somebody's blogger last night, his name was....HMMM i dont' know- but his blogger title was "Perspicious" Which was a very odd blogger title- it means "Transparent, Translucent, something you can see automatically, right off,- or something like that" (this is April's definition, not webster's mind you!)
Hmmm. I noticed something, as I was reading other people's bloggers- Mine is really boring! I don't have links to where I can put pictures in or anything, and i don't have little quote thingy's that come up with every page you click onto.
- My blogger is really just a thought page- nothing really extravagent.
I don't think that's a bad thing, but looking at other people's bloggers, I wanna make mine more than that.
Thoughts, pictures, biblical stuff, My testimoney, my family...all this stuff, I'd LOVE to add is as links to my blogger, but **sniffle, sniffle** I don't know how!
I'll see if i can put a picture on here.
I'll try to do this right now...
My parents have a scanner.

man.
it just takes time.
you can't be all righteous and holy once you get saved....don't get me wrong- you can be walking IN and WORKING on your faith, while you live through the years- the Lord changes us from Glory to Glory, right? Right.
So, it's a process.....EVERYTHING is a process, and that's the way the lord had it intended- cuz he wanted RELATIONSHIP, not religion....he wanted a FAMILY...not a business.
So.
I went to see my old grandpa today- he's 86 yrs. old...and he's giving us all 200 dollars.
I asked him why and he said "well, oh you know...becuz i'm dying"- and when i sat there talking to him, i realized that life just passes in a blink- and there's nothing we can do to stop it...OH...we can AGE well, like wine- taking care of our body and stuff, exercizing, flossing, and running a mile a day,...but nobody can STOP death from COMING. It's inevitable....it'll always be looking us in the face, WAIT. No. it wont', It'll be more like, standing behind us, whispering in our ears, sending little cold chills down our spine at just the right time.
Personally. I can't wait to have grey hair. But i can wait for all those small body aches that old people talk about.
I hope to visit my grandpa a lot.
And i saw my Unlce Roger- with Aunt Renee': but ya see, we NEVER see them, cuz they've kinda abandoned the family and went to Tennesse, or some state like that- and nobody ever gets to see them, I HARDLY know my cousins! they acted like i was a complete STRANGER! and i hated that...cuz we're the same...we're family, of the same blood line and everything. and i feel bad that they don't know us, OR us them, for that matter.
Uncle Roger said that he thought I was Aunt Barb, when they were pulling up into the drive way- (cuz Aunt barb is the most native american looking one out of the family)- and he was suprised that it was me.... He kinda treated me all distant-like too...I guess distance kinda separates us- and death draws the older people nearer together, and make them see that there's really no reason to hold onto grudges like we do.

Oh, how much GOD is right....
Don't let the sun go down on your anger.
Eddie and Alisa shared this at group before- that whenever they had any sort of argument, and somebody was left a little angry about something- as they were laying in bed, they could feel the reason for that verse.... They said it caused seperation. He caused them to feel distant from eachother, and things can fester and start to build up, like Plaque!

Shesh. i have a computer at my disposal now, so i get to type as much as I can, so this is really weird.
Autumn hasn't really called and I hope she knows that she's loved...No matter how many times i tell her, she never says "I love you too" back.
That's okay though, cuz i don't need to hear it so much as I want her to know that I love her.

Man, i miss friends from back home.(i keep saying that- over here, and I'm referring to oregon!)---- i really do miss people. Brandi, Rachel, JC, and Eddie and Alisa...and Greg, and the Davis Boy, although we don't talk that much anymore...and that sucks. Like getting married soon is somehow a curse all of a sudden, cuz for those people who are gonna get married have kinda pushed themselves away from friends and dont' really hang out with them anymore. i know that's not what i will do, cuz obviously, i know what it can do...HURT. A LOT.
But I love.
and that Love consumes the hurt.
Amen.
Apes

I gotta be honest.
I didn't expect I would follow Angie into Streeters (the local dance club). Becuz we couldn't find anything else to do,- and plus she goes there all the time now, i guess.
anyways. being honest.
i understand what Paul was talking about now- when he said he does the very thing that he hates and hates himself for it....Why cannot i stand strong in the face of old friends?
Well, I have been notified by the Lord that i hafta tell Angie, (as soon as i talk to her again)- that I'm making that my first and last visit to Streeters- or any other place that serves alcohol...(as in bars)
And i know that if i tell her, i think I'll lose a friend...and well, that's kinda okay, cuz she thinks you need to drink to have fun- and last night, as I lay awake in bed, i thought of all these different things we could've done instead of that. and i realize that Angie has a problem. She "needs" to be drunk to have fun.
i surely know that i don't.
and anyways. I said goodbye to that past sin. Why is it trying to ensnare me again? Just becuz i fell this once, being back home already- doesn't mean that I'm down for the count, cuz no matter how beat up i look like afterwards, I'm one of those that keep getting back up and dodge the next punch, before it comes.
I'm a child of the SON....why would i be hanging out in the dark places of the city? I need a house of light to go to- to have fellowship and communion with .

So, that is the story of the day.
I'm gonna go to my dad's house today, and talk to my grandpa.
I start at the low carb shop, only 5:00-6:00, she's gonna show me how to close the shop down tonight. and then i start for real hours tomorrow.
i must tell Megan and Angie that i can't go and drink with them...or go to places that they would be drinking...cuz it just tears me apart.
I know what I should do.
I know when i should do it.
NOW....is the courage to say it.

The song

July 6th, 2004
Hi.
I’m currently listening to Led Zepplin, “In the Evening”- this is a record I bought many, many years ago, and I remember this song well. I love the way it begins. And surprisingly enough the record player still works. I wonder if Tom and Mom thought about selling their records on E-Bay- cuz they have like Beatles records and such, which are probably worth a lot..

I really should spend some time with the Lord before I go out today, it’s 2:44 pm, and I should be going to hang out with Mike pretty soon. I’m so glad that I know in my heart that I’m not gonna go out with Mike- that He’s not the one, cuz holy cow, I would be pretty freaked out, ….to be a Cops’ wife would be a HUGE commitment, cuz I would be worried that he wouldn’t come home someday. And I feel a burden for those wives who hafta go through that.
Mike’s a good guy to hang out with, once in a while…and he especially needs somebody to hang out with now, to get his mind off of what his mom did. We’ll go scuba diving, as soon as I get a bit settled down.

I’m gonna talk to Pam and dave about the apartment. Cuz maybe I’d be able to pay the 450, once I started to work and stuff. But then I hafta take into consideration, of paying about 200 a month for Ortho. IF I can make payments…who knows. I need to make an appt. soon, for different Orthos’, and see who’d be the cheapest.

What else? Grandpa is gonna give me 200 dollars I guess and I’ll put that RIGHT in the bank, either towards my credit line or credit card….i’ll split it…100 for my credit card and 100 for my credit line. I can’t wait to actually NOT have a negative balance in my account. I’m just gonna hafta work a lot.

THIS IS COOL- I put in an application for a receptionist/secretary at faith Reformed Church, and the thing is- that is the church that I GOT SAVED IN! it was awesome, - I didn’t realize it, until I actually went to the church and saw where it was…I was like “holy cow, I got saved in this church.”
And I wonder if it’s God that a position was opened up…who knows. I don’t really know what else I’ll be doing. Cuz I certainly can’t be staying at the Low Carb. Shop, making 7.50 an hour, and anyways, I’d like to get into a job where I can grow and stuff.

So, what dad said last night to us is still on my mind….little girl in yellow….crazy. As Elwood Blues said in the Blues Brothers 2, “the Lord works in Mysterious ways”
The computer still can’t connect to online, so I am still typing using micro. Works.
I’m gonna spend some time with my love now.
Apes

July 5th
My dad’s Vision:
I had to type this now, cuz he just told me tonight- about this vision that he had of me and my sisters…..and it just amazed me how awesome God truly is.
Even though the internet isn’t working at my parents house right now for some reason- I’m gonna type this on Micro. Word and paste it to my blogger. So this is how the story goes.

I went over to dad’s house tonight to hang out with him, since I’m back and all- Amber drove me out there, and she told me that dad wanted to talk to me and her tonight about something and Autumn too, but he doesn’t know if Autumn is coming out- and well, we ate dinner and such and we were just about to leave and talking about it, when dad brought up the thing that he wanted to share with us…
He said he wanted to talk to us outside….
So just Amber and I went outside, to talk to him and we sat around the place that they have a fire pit in the back yard…
and he said that he had a dream, about in February…and that he was around the land where he grew up with his dad and mom- and all his sisters and brothers- where they used to live in this old shack of a house and there were hills off in the distance and – three hills and he was either with Uncle Joe or somebody else like him and he was standing there watching all these army trucks (like from the middle east-cuz he said they were from Israel), and there were all these soliders coming out of the side of this hill, like there was a tunnel coming out of it or something….and he stood there and said something to Uncle joe about why is all this fighting happening over in Israel and why is there war or something like that- over there… and there wasn’t really an answer. Then he saw three angles, of Moses, Elijiah and somebody else- and they were just hanging out with dad and uncle joe at the top of the hill and talking to them I guess….watching all these army trucks come out of the side of the hill with all these soliders.
Then Dad was really close to the entrance of the side of the hill and he could see all these army people come out and then all of a sudden Jesus appeared before him, between him and all the soliders that were coming out from the hill side, and Dad was asking to himself, “Why don’t they see Jesus, because He is so big right now and they could see them, they should see them!”----cuz He was so obvious before them- dad said he looked huge…and well, Jesus said something to him, like “All these people don’t see me because they choose not to” (or don’t want to- or something like that)..
And then before Jesus appeared a yellow angle, very beautiful and shinning with the brightness of day and she was small and dad said he could tell that she was a girl, and she was standing right in front of Jesus, and at the time Dad said to himself in the dream, or thought it- he didn’t know which on he did- but he said “Oh, how beautiful”- and then next to this yellow angel to the right of her came two other angels, but they were pink and they were small too like her and he could tell they were girls too. Then Jesus looked at dad and said “Aren’t my angels beautiful”, or “These are my angels.”---- something like that, and Dad knew right then it was us-girls…His daughters.
And he said He knew that I was the yellow angel, cuz I was the first one before the Lord and that I was really bright and shiney, like the sun. And that Amber and autumn were the other two that were in pink….cuz they were coming along. They were gonna be in heaven too. Eventually….cuz they came later…
And he said for him, it gave him the realization that he shouldn’t see all these battles going on over there in Israel….and that he shouldn’t worry about these big things…becuz the smaller things are more important to him….

And- by the end of this all, I was sucking up my running nose, wiping my eyes with my shirt and just nodding my head….cuz all these over whelming ideas were consuming me right at that point- where God says in Isaiah, or something like that…”The old men will see visions and the young men will dream dreams…”, and it made me realize that maybe dad has never had this kinda encounter before with the Lord and that this is very powerful….. AND THAT MY DAD WAS TOUCHED BY THE LORD! Jesus spoke to him, through a dream and showed him what he wanted to show him…..
And OH…GOD….Jesus is soooooo honorable, and faithful to do what He says he’s gonna do, and it just gives me more hope, all the more- that He will do EVERYTHING that he has said he will do.
When I wanna give up on Autumn, He SAYS, “SHE WILL BE MINE”
When I get impatient with my mom and tom, He SAYS, “THEY WILL BE MINE.”
When I worry about Amber getting married so soon, HE SAYS, “SHE IS ALREADY MINE”
And when I think of the personal promises of God, to me- It makes me wanna hold on, all the more, even through the storms….oh the storms….

I just love God soooo much right now, and I think that it was in HIS perfect plan that I’d come back when I did- and that HE’s the one that designed this whole thing….this whole adventure, and I really am just the passenger on this ride that the LORD is taking me on…..
I am so in love with Jesus and everything that He is….the unchangeable one…the Holy one, the WORTHY one….the sacrificial one…He shows up everyday….and somedays I recognized it clearer than others.

I guess I just want ya’ll to know other there in blogger-ville---Don’t Give up on G0D, cuz He never gave up on you and never will. And hold on through those storms cuz you will find many sun-shiny rainbow days in the end of the boat ride….and maybe even get the chance to go walkin’ on the water if you’re called out by Jesus….(or dancin’ on the water for those more crazy Jesus folk!)

I guess I also just wanna give a little shout out to my first love, …..thanks for not forgetting about me….thanks for not forgetting about my sincere prayers, thanks for being so close I can feel your breath on my face……
Cuz, oh…..i love you so much and I never wanna be without you….my love. Jesus.
Amen.
Sweet spring song

Home......
ahhhhh. I arrived into Traverse City, Michigan on the 4th of July of 2004- and the van is in good condition. ONLY THE LORD COULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING LIKE THIS....
"not by my might or by power, but by MY SPIRIT- says the LORD"----only by His grace and mercy did my old, 1984 Toyota van, make it across 5 states, half way across America..... seriously, I have nobody else to thank, except for the Lord on HIGH....
He is the Alpha and Omega (the starter and beginner)
He is the Great I AM (everything, everywhere,- Omni-Present, Omniscient, Omnipotent...etc.)
He is the Lover of my Soul (My First Love)
He is my Abba Father (daddy)

and I am his daughter, his love and his disciple, his servant, his warrior, his desire.....

there is really nothing else more I can grasp right now....other than I am at home and I've made it! I've really made it.

There's something more though....the Lord is still doing stuff over here- like he still has more planned....Not that i just crossed over America, into Michigan and am home, finally- but he has a plan for me now that I'm here!

It's yucky right now, inside the house, cuz tom and mom smoke inside and it's everywhere, in the computer room, in the other room that i'm gonna sleep in (YUCK!)-in the living room, in the kitchen....it's stinky everywhere now...it's in the air and i can't stand it...! SO----I've talked to Pam and Dave, the people that Amber lives with right now and they're asking 450 for an apartment that they're gonna rent out...and it's got a "living area", a bedroom, a little kitchen area, and bathroom- and it's hooked onto their house- but i think that's really asking a lot for a smaller apt. like that...so i'm just praying that they'll hook me up, like they did Amber, but i don't wanna rip them off either- i'm just thinking- financially, would i be able to pay 450?.....not right now- that's for sure, but I put it out there, and asked them about it, so at least they know i'm interested, and it's right on a lake! Spider Lake! But it's really so far away...I mean, outta the way- cuz it's like a 15 minute drive out to the downtown area of TC, and i don't know if i'd wanna do that, once i got a job...but oH~WELL. I'll ask my papa and see what he wants to do- and listen to his voice carefully cuz i could jump to my own conclusions...
OH, yeah- weird thing...my grandpa- Dad's dad,- is giving all his grandchildren 200 dollars...weird blessing and weird that i'm just "showing up" in time for this blessing too?! i just feel weird about it. But, it's definately needed...and i can't believe Grandpa is in a nursing home...man those places certainly suck the life right outta you...i hate those...i hope to take care of mom- that's if I CAN..and dad- IF I CAN...hopefully...May the Lord do what he wants to do- in that area....
and i've just got tons of stuff to do once i get all my stuff in, i just HOPE that Tom or mom don't smoke in my ROOM...cuz if they do, i'll just be like "Okay, i understand this is your house, and it's still your room- but I'd like to breath fresh air if you don't mind"- it's just gross, i can smell it everywhere... and If they care less about what i hafta say- (or tom would care less, that is...mom DOES care, but she can't really do anything about this)- so, I will just tell them straight up, "okay, then i'll be moving out soon"- and find an emergency place to sleep.
So, all is well right now. it's a bit drizzly outside right now, and it's weird to think that i'm in Michigan...I'm really awake right now, so i don't think i'll fall asleep till 12:00 or so tonight.
and i gotta find an orthodontist in the area...
but Ciao for now, cuz i gott up date my resume and type a cover letter.
the sweet spring song.
apes