it's the morning after- i worked all day yesturday- and i'm doing the same thing today. But i had TONS of fun last night...cuz i worked with this guy named Eric and he's pretty cool- we got along well. He thought i was GAY!  Well, only becuz the manager up in the restaurant was getting married to a GIRL...and she's a woman, and well, he heard nancy talking about the fact that she's hiring her wife...or whatever...and that just connected in his brain that I was her. But He was conflicting all night long, cuz he didn't think i was- so, he asked me subtle questions...it was cute. : )
i think that's pretty scary there's a gay woman working at reflections- cuz well- i'd never think that Kirk would hire somebody like that. or maybe he didn't know.
But, Eric said that i gotta meet this other guy that works there- his name is Jordan Fox, and he's a Christian and he goes to Calvary Church- i visited that church the sunday i got back.
But, it was fun to work to with Eric- and suddenly the conversation turned to God stuff again! and then i was talking about Catholicism again! i don't know why the conversation turns to Catholicism all the time- but i was thinking: "Man, i seem to come across like I'm bashing Catholics,....but they're my brothers and sisters in Christ as well, and i shouldn't talk bad about it."
- don't get me wrong, I really wanna point out the differencese between Christianity and Catholicism becuz one is based on religious works and stuff and one is faith...and relationship.  But i need to do it in a loving manner...cuz they are my family. i hafta be careful.
 i'll type more later- possibly after i've read some of the book.

(added:)
Isaiah 29:13-
The Lord says: "These people come near to me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship of me is made up only of rules taught by men."


There's a point of brokeness that's coming from the Lord right now, in me. and I love it.- He's doing something. He's showing me who He really is...and I just ask that I'd be buried SO much into HIM that I wouldn't be recognizable. nobody could see me, but the Spirit of God that lives in me.
and I prayed for a servanthood heart towards my husband, whenever that days comes, and that i would know what a mother after God's own heart IS- and that HE would prepare me.
Man, I'm so grateful right now. I'm pouring out all these praises to HIM and thankfulness to HIM.
He said: "This is the WAY walk in it," from behind my ear and I did it, only by his voice. and he prepared the way before me- getting home. a job, a plan, a path, a secured path.
He IS awesome.
uh...love.

I'm reading this book still, called: "The Journey of Desire" and it's revolutionizing my mind and spiritual walk, i think.
John Eldredge quotes Dorothy Sayers (whoever she is):
"Work is not, primarily, a thing one does to live, but the thing one lives to do."

and this is truth.  He also talks about this:
"if only it were so, if only we could land our "dream job", where we'd be paid to do what we love.....The rest of us look on from the sidelines, with longing, held back from our dreams by fear or heartache or the demands of the life we do have."

This is partly WHY it's so hard to be in that spot in life where yer trying to figure out what you wanna do with your life: your JOB, your CAREER.
"Eve, what happened?"
We were meant to be Kings and Queens over this land and rule and have those dream jobs....but something happened. Now we strive to figure out what we lost, or what we have done wrong.

But there's hope cuz Jesus allows us to know what HIS desire for us truly was.  What we were truly meant for....companionship, fellowship, relationship...all the ships...! worship.
this book is great. It reminds me of that other book John wrote- called "---shoot, i can't think of the title. It's another book kinda like this one, but it's meant for guy to read, i guess. But I read it, cuz it really intrigued me. something like the "The Heart's desire, or something like that."
(this is now after the fact that i published my blog- but the title of the book is called Wild at Heart)!
I've always wanted to write a book, but when i think about it, the thought is overwhelming becuz i wouldn't know the first step. I'm sure autumn is gonna write a book. Actually, we are all gonna write a book together.
something like a testimoney a bit...about our lives growing up- in the household that we did.
ugh.
i'm set free from the law...of sin and death and every other thing that bound be when i was little...i'm gonna make myself something to eat- I'm at work right now.

GOOD MORNING VIETNAM! (i scream as i sit here typing and drinking my dark organic French roast coffee)  some drink for addiction, some drink for flavor....I'm one of the flavor ones.- i'd like to roast my own beans someday- a wise ole' fellow, by the name of Miles told me this- that you can use an air popcorn popper to roast your own beans, but you gotta find the green beans somewhere.
Oh, i forgot, i'm also listening to the voices of the Irish folk, they're waking me up on accuradio.com.
I'm gonna be working like a dog for two days straight0- 12:00-12:00 (midnight) today, and then 10:00-12:00 (midnight) tomorrow...OH! LORD. help me.

although i've had  a negatory on the whole Dental Assistant program- i'm sure that this is what i should do. Cuz it'll leave me with opportunities to travel, it doesn't take that long to complete the program, and i will have a substantial job, once i get married and have a family.
it's a reasonable idea..and there are other things, but those are things I'm not willing to put down the years to do...
i mean, with my age, i should be graduated by now...but my life has been ONE big adventure...and it's still going on.

my  mom set me up.
with a guy - to go out with tonight.
and well. ...i'm not really thrilled. I mean..he's not really it. I talked with him a bit about God and stuff...
and well, he was raised Catholic, so he doesn't really know a personal God and it sparked his interest to know that there's a loving, personal God out there.
I can't say much else about it. it was fun to be taken out by a guy- but it was weird to hang out with two people he always hangs out with- at work. so, i was the fifth wheel. and i felt like it.
he plays video games, definately a no-no for me.
but i can't judge a book by it's cover, and i don't intend on taking this new friendship anywhere else...so, i have nothing to be afraid of.

so i am still, very much on my own...in this little house on 4 Mile road. and it's alright. cuz I'm with Jesus and HE makes it worth it all.
and now i have a mission.
go to Dental Ass. school- graduate (and go further, if Jesus tells me to), and go to a country to help the poor to have a good smile.
i have a mission.
"I'm on a mission from God..."
so said the Blues Brothers!

ciao for now.

i guess i'm going to NMC in the fall...Dental Assistant. Yup. I know now.
cuz- i went to the Orthodontist yesturday...and while i was sitting there, i asked the girl-if she went to NMC for this...and what her title was- and it's Dental Assistant...suprising enough. You can work in an Ortho. offfice, with a Dental Assistant degree. that would rock.
and there are some good scholarships i could get through NMC, for the Dental program.- i think i'll go for it.
I'm sitting here with my ICED coffee drink, cuz it's ridiculously HOT outside, at 10:42 in the morning- it's HUMID that's what it is.
I'mdoing landry right now, and i really should go to the DMV today, but the line is gonna be ridiculous, so i was thinking about hitting it tomorrow...i gotta visit the site again and see how much it's gonna be. about 40 bucks i think? don't know-

I can't wait to see the winter here again! snow, snow, snow..
Fall time is a grumpy old man,
sitting there and complaining, cold, and lonely,
throwing leaves here and there, untill winter get's it's way with it!

i gotta take a shower.
so off i go.
ciao.

I'm sitting here partially coughing my lungs out (cuz of the smoke) and partially enjoying a cup of Organic French Roast from Oregon- that i bought before i left.sip....ahhhhhh. as the steam rolls from the top of the cup...in my starbucks coffee cup.
I COULD work at a Starbucks, Amber brought that up...but it would start at 6.20 an hour! and no raise for a LONG time...sucky, huh?
 
Last night since i was so bored, i realized i had a book in my bag- Journey of Desire...and i haven't finished it. But, as i was reading a long. God asked John Eldreigde..(the writer of the book) what HIS desire is...instead of John saying: "Okay, God what do you want to do with this idea?" and God just asked him...what does HE want to do with the idea.
and then that got me to thinking. What is it that I want to do??  with my life that is.   and a few things came up: like
1. I want a husband and a family someday
2. I want to travel some more
3. I want to go to Israel again
---
and i can't really think of anything else.
as for a  job...i guess God is leaving the ball in my court- what do I want to do?
IF the world was MY oyster and I held it in my hand...what would I want to do?
hmmmm., it makes me think of graduation at high school again.
it seemed like anything was possible, and I could set my heart to do anything i wanted.
and i still can.
even though i have student loans up the waa-zoo.
ugh.
So, if that is true. then, what do I want to do???
 

smoke everywhere.
can't take it for long...ugh. i'm coughing a whole lot.
i need out!
i sleep on the floor.
and hopefully i'll be getting another job here soon.
 
what else.? i'm bored half the day and usually Amber is just busy and doesn't wanna hang out...oh agony oh despair.
and I'm suffering through mom trying to hook me up with somebody at her work...scary. i don't know. he wants to take me out to see a movie and dinner.
i'm now stuck in the whole "Okay God- I followed you here...now what?"
and i haven't really gotten anything yet. other than i should go to NMC, cuz i won't get a good job if I dont'.
OH....more school, more school loans...ugh.
i think my eyes are currently focused on all the bad that's going on around me and not the good.
i can't really see the good. but at least i have Jesus. he's with me. so that's all the good i really need.
bored, bored bored
and i don't really have any good books.
no books at all in fact.
i should go to Borders or something. and get a poetry book and amuse myself.
ha.
i'm drinking this horrible coffee mom made. YUBAN...uck!
approximately 12-15 resumes' have gone out already.
not one call yet.
HOPE. where are you? i need to see your face again.
sigh.
*the slowly fading-
sweet spring song.