hey.
well, let's see. now that i am sitting down- after all the opening stuff is done for the store.. i woke up pretty abrubtly this morning. i turned my alarm clock off, but didn't reset it! so, i woke up at 9:09 and hauled butt taking a shower-making coffee-grabing all my work clothes-and finally leaving! good thing i brought some food with me...or else i'd be starving.
I've got my yummy espresso blend coffee, had a banana and some yougurt right now.
i wanna go camping before school starts- i'm gonna go to the Sleeping Bear dunes, i think- i'll go like around the 20-23 cuz i think Nancy said there wasn't really anything happening at the Conference Center. i don't know whether or not anyone can come with me- it would suck to go camping without some friends. i really wanna go to Faith Reformed tomorrow- it'll be good, but i hafta work at like 12:30, so i'll hafta book it outta there.

the kitty at home has fleas, so i'm scratching my ankkles, cuz i think the fleas wanna become part of me too...but i don't think so. We have flea-ridden animals at my house right now, a dog and cat

i remember a question my friend asked me before i left Oregon- "What do you want in a husband?"
well- it all boils down to their relationship with Jesus. i wanna marry somebody that Loves Jesus with all their being....and i know that Eric isn't that person- but a good thing is---He DOES know Jesus-cuz HE IS a christian...he said he's kinda known it all along, but hasn't been sure.

i think people wanna be borderline christian, becuz they can always use the excuse that "I'm not sure whether or not I am a christian anyways"---- cuz if they admitted to the fact that they were christian for sure- then they would be held responsible for their actions/sin. which all humans run from.
but i have no room to talk. so i'll shut up now. reading Mere Christianity makes me think- again. of how we are as humans. We choose our sin everyday, and C.S. Lewis says, "apparently He thought it worth the risk"- in creating us- and giving us this choice, to love him or not to. He thought it worth the risk.
I think i'll do some reading right now.

blessings on your head, Malzeltav, Malzeltav...a bride to newly wed, Malzeltav, Malzeltav

I have those songs stuck in my head. i really should by the whole movie- Fiddler on the Roof, it's a good thing Josh made me watch some of it- so i would experience something new..and the songs are great!
i work in like an hour and i have nothing to do till then, i could go for another bike ride. i've decortated my room with some flowers- Nancy brought home from a wedding recept, at the confrence center. and i pinned them to the wall, they might die soon, but they'll still look good- they're Gerbra Daisys i think they're the cutest flower ever.

i'm reading "Mere Christianity" again -by what's his name..and i think that Eric would really like this book-cuz it explains God in a very thought-provoking manner, and for those that are earnestly seeking- to those whom are reasearching God out and trying to find him..this writer explains it very intelligently. so, when i work with Eric tonight- i'll suggest this book to him and possibly find out why he hasn't wanted to hang out. i think i scared him away.
oh well , good for me.

i wore my wrist braces all night and i woke up pretty late- cuz i slept so well. it was wonderful!
i'm gonna bring my swimming stuff with me, if it's warm outside tonight- then i can go for a little night swim! i love to do that...so relaxing...with the stars above you and stuff.
as for life right now, i'm just kinda waiting for school to start, and wondering how much i'm gonna hafta start paying on my braces.
sigh.

can't hang out with Angie anymore. why has it come to this?
well- i can't go to Streeters anymore. there's no way i'm gonna do that again- (but haven't I said this before? Does this sound a little too familiar)
I was faced with two songs last night- one was about being Broken- be Evanescence...and then the other song- "Breaking the habit"- and last night..i am gonna break the habit.
I WON'T DO IT AGAIN.

i need out of this pit. this ugly pit of numbness and void. empty fillers.
i have changed. i am a new creation....gosh. gotta keep telling myself that.
i dont' practice what i preach.
i'm a stinkin' hipocrite...i hate it...ugh.
but it's so hard, to face your friends and say "no" that's all i gotta do. but it's so hard...
i will next time though. i HAVE TO.
i'm drinkin' lots of water and i'm very tired.
i'm gonna start closing.

i'm at work.
and well- i was kinda pouring my heart out to my Father last night- reminding myself of WHO HE is...and who i am in light of Him. Really, it seems this world has failed me so many times, adn that I should learn my lesson and move on. but i don't. neither does anyone else for that matter.
my heart was breaking- becuz i realized, we are all dying from our own sins. We are so consumed in our sins, that they are literally killing us.
I'm currently typing with both my wrist thingys on- and i realize that this world has worn on me so much already that I am in pain...my body is slowly giving in. i shouldn't be going through this.
LIFE ISN'T SUPPOSE TO BE LIKE THIS.
as a singer once said.

as for Eric. nope. no calls. oh~well. i guess that's what a girl gets for hoping.
i'm gonna go swimming when i get home, after work. in order to not be home- in case he does call.
don't wanna talk.

as for school- it starts in less than 2 1/2 weeks! and i'm sooo excited cuz i CAN'T wait to start the Dental Ass. program! I'm already looking up info online- what teeth are what and what kinda diseases happen to teeth, and Ortho. stuff- cuz I'd like to be an Ortho. ass. I'd have more fun that way i think...either /or.

this computer is way slow- it took like 5 minutes for the blogger site to come up- it's Nancy's computer.
i'm currently in pain- in my wrists and my hands, and i'm wearing both wrist guard.
everything is cool...
i went out with Eric- to the Clock, had some food- this is on Sat. night, after work 4:30 in the morning.- oh, it was so sad, that night- cuz we were there sooooo late...but afterwards, it was cool to hang out with Eric, he's cool, but he hasn't called me since then- and i don't know if it's becuz i was too radical about Jesus- or what...but if that's the case- i'm glad that he hasn't called, cuz i wouldn't want somebody to call that's not also in love with Jesus that way.
i have Lord of the RIngs playing, while i type....it's almost done- i love the part with Faramir. he's a good character.

i'm kinda bored today cuz i didn't hafta work at all...i went for a hard-core bike ride, down a rugged path- a 2-track path, behind Nancy's house..it went on for quite a ways, then i turned around- and went for a swim. i kinda kept myself busy, so i wouldn't be sitting there- beside the phone, waiting for him to call. gesh, i wonder how many girls go through that- waiting for somebody to call- and they never do. what at let down...what a heart-break.
possibly that's part of the reason that girls never open their heart to love- they reduce it to a one-night stand becuz they will get hurt, waiting and hoping that the guy will call- hoping to find somebody that wants them.

it turns me to that song by 100 Portraits- "Do You want me....":
"when i found you there, you were all alone,
you were lonely, you were lonely.
when i picked you up- you couldn't get enough,
i'm the only, i'm the only....
and you run for oh-so long, i wish you'd come to me long ago,
and i found you, and i loved you,
do you want me....now?"

Gosh- it sucks. i really does, cuz it makes me think that there are no noble men out there- seeking love. seeking a love. the kinda guy that'll be faithful and valorous-
Oy.
Do i hope in vain Lord? Do i wait in vain? You will be honorable. You will keep your promise.
i'll hold onto that.