last night i smelled the air and it smelled of winter.
Winter is just around the corner, we're gonna have a hard one too.
It was wonderful smelling that smell becuz i knew change was coming. I knew there was something to look forward to.
last night was a wedding reception- and it was a girl that i graduated with Rochelle something- and she had red hair and she's really Irish...it made me think of Becca. OH. i miss her- and everyone else. But the girl - that i knew...who got married- she threw up, cuz she drank too much, but she didn't even drink alot. i felt so sorry for her. on her wedding day.- that happened. not good at all.
not a wise move on her part though.

But what else. i hafta work all of today. i think i'll read more of my Mere CHristianity book.
oh yes. last night- when i got home- Deanna and Kylie were all dancing really wrong together- right in front of this guy (who had no shirt on-who is supposedly their uncle) and he was just standing there staring at them...and i heard some freakish comment like "You girls sure know how to dance..."- and I was like "GIRLS I WANNA TALK TO YOU DOWNSTAIRS"- and i told them i don't want them dancing like that in front of this guy- even if he's kinda their uncle., cuz I KNOW what he's thinking and it's sick and wrong, and i'm sorry, but WHY DIDN'T he have a shirt on?? half naked guy in nancy's house running around? sorry, but i didn't like that at all- i'm gonna have a talk with Nancy too and find out what the heck that was all about. i kinda consider nancy's house a safe house- for us women to be ourselves and when there's all of a sudden half naked guy behind the kitchen counter WATCHING TWO 12 YEAR OLDS DANCE! i have A BIG PROBLEM with that. so i'll have a conver. with Nancy tonight at work.
i had a muffin (blueberry! yummy!) and coffee and a bannana for breakfast - so i'm pretty full right now.

Oh. and now Brandi and Zack are already married, i don't need to go out to Oregon for the winter. and i think that kinda sucks, cuz it made a way for me to go out there again- it made an excuse...that i would HAVE to - but now i don't. and since i don't really have the money for a ticket, i really shouldn't.
i'm just so sad about that whole thing. gosh that sucks.
i'm gonna read to get my mind off it.

- this was added later:
well, now that i'm not going to Oregon for the winter, i will have more money for the UK trip with Autumn- it'll be REALLY expensive though...too expensive. I"ll need to save up at least 2000 dollars for spending money as it is. that's sooo much, and then i gotta buy a plane ticket- which will cost about 800-900 dollars. ugh.- but Adam told autumn to buy the ticket in December- becuz that's when it'll be the cheapist.
i'm so excited. I'm planning the trip for the Ireland part- and Autumn's planning all of the England, and Scotland part. I'm really hoping i can do this. if i put aside TONS of my student loan refund money- 2000 each semester, then i'll be good to go. Cuz i'll be working tons also. so, that'll cover my rent for Nancy, braces and car stuff. hopefully! OH LORD! please!

can't remember last time i typed.
but i have news.
Brandi is already married.
and i'm not going to Oregon in the winter...i'm not gonna be in her wedding. i'm not gonna see her in a wedding dress...i'm not gonna see her wedding.
becuz it already happened.
i sigh inside. i am kinda sad about that. Becuz i missed it all! something inside me screams "I MISSED THE WHOLE THING!"
i need to make some new friends over here. I PRAY LORD THAT YOU WOULD SEND SOME GOOD CHRISTIAN BROTHERS AND SISTER'S MY WAY SO I COULD HAVE FELLOWSHIP.

but other than this. I'm gonna paint scriptures on my wall- verses the Lord gives me during this time. while i'm a loner.
i hung a picture of JC and i- and Autumn and I...and i'll hang that one with Brandi and i- on the wall, above my China hat. and of Josh and i...of all people- it's kinda weird...but i feel somewhat surrounded with friends, but just seeing these pictures on the wall in my bedroom.

i hate this. my feelings are so mixed all the time. i need an emotion stabalizer or something. or just something to fill my time...I spent some good time with Jesus last night and this mornig...woke up, put some 3rd Day on and played with the kitty and drank my coffee. I'm starting to read Revelations becuz if my mind set is finding the end of all things- i might as well read up on it. when i'll meet my Lord.
ciao for now.
apes

"it's a damp cold night, trying to figure out this life,
take me by the hand, take me somewhere new,
i don't know who you are....
but i'm with you,
i'm with you..."
- Avril Lavienge

PRESIDENT BUSH IS COMING TO TOWN:
and i've had a few thoughts already- seeing him in person, with his suit on, and him coming into the Low Carb Shop- with his wife, just like everyone else that comes in here....and i'm kinda speechless at first- and then he makes some sorta joke and i laugh. and i talk to him a bit.
when i was laying in bed last night- i thought, if i could ask him one question- what would it be?
"Did you lie? about the war- about Iraq- Did you lie?"-
i think that's what i would ask. cuz if all that information is true that Michale Moore put in that video- then what? or we dealing with a serious and hainous crime against all of America, or what!?

and then i thought- if i did ask this question and he said "NO", then if i believed him,- would i be considered a fool. Or if he said yes, would i still be considered a foo, becuz i had faith in my President to begin with- and i supported him this whole time? and if he said NO, would i continue to believe him and trust him as my President? I wish i could see him and listen to him- what he's gonna say.

But- right now, i must go, cuz work is almost done, and i'm gonna go to Fish Town
ciao

it is about 10:00 at night right now, at nancy's house, and i've just had a wonderful day all around.
1. woke up at 11
2. had church in my own bedroom! (and it was wonderful!)
3. went out to see dad and had a fight with vickie about something
4. stopped by mom's house to see her (and pet boopie while i was there)
5. went home and had a yummy dinner!
6. got a call from dad-asking me about the fight.
7. had an openess and forgiveness moment with Vickie
8. called Eric after that- and asked him about us.
9. finally found out that he's not interested.
10. started typing on my blog.

so, i've had a well-rounded day altogether. ohh. i loved today - it was so great! President Bush is coming to traverse city tomorrow-monday- and the whole town is gonna be crazy tomorrow. i dont' know how traffic is gonna be- but i hafta work from 10-1 (weird hours dontcha' think?) and i don't know what i should do for the rest of the day. i might go out to dad and vickies house tomorrow- (cuz Vickie was pleading for me to stop out there right away, as soon as i can, becuz she want's to hug me...cuz of the big argum. that we had) I love Vickie so much! I'm so glad that Papa called.- i'm thinking more about that right now, than i am thinking about Eric- and what he said.
wow- it's amazing to see what can happen in one day- and wake up that morning, not even aware of what's gonna happen that day...it reminds me that when Jesus comes back it'll be a suprise to us all.

i love that movie - Benny and Joon- cuz it shows two crazy (well, not really crazy) people hooking up and totally getting along...and totally understanding eachother.
i think it'll be like that.
hmmm. i'll type more tomorrow, when i work.
ciao