i had a little quite time with Jesus- this morning...and the stuff i was writing- it really shined how desperate I was for Jesus. the groaning of this world- under the Tyranny of wanting something more. everything - every lonely heart- seeking love, every wandering soul, searching for purpose, every whispered sigh- it longs for the something more- but some don't know what the something more is- even Christians.
I think it is heaven. we long for that which we lost in the garden of eden---- i think i'm getting this from the book i just read- Journey of Desire.
But it's all true- and I'm feeling the truth of it all bearing down on me, knowing that i'm laying my head down, each night- just to wake up again in this world. Wishing i woke up in His presence.
But- i know that he lives in me. and i can take joy in that for now. I can rest in that. i can build my faith on that~ truth.

I got a really good email from Suhas- my Indian friend...hopefully someday we will meet- possibly if i go on a mission trip with my church out there- He was also talking about love stuff too. It's kind of hard to see all your friends getting married around you- and you haven't even come close to that yet! But, I'd like to think that I'm just a vine- in God's vineyard and the longer he waits and prunes me, and cuts away all those unwanted yucky strands (that don't produce much fruit)- that the more I'm getting refined, the more I'll be ready and beautiful for my husband. All the books I've read, all those "Single and loving it!" or "When God writes your love story"- and such...it's like they're apart of my blood stream now- I've pumped myself with these books- thinking that it'll somehow make me more wise when it comes to relationship- but naaaaa. Not really. I guess it just shows me i hafta be patient.- becuz i'm not the only one that has gone through this waiting, or enduring (as I like to put it!) or refining (as God likes to put it)

i really shall dash. i'm at work, and it's been busy, and i can continue reading my Mere Christianity book.
so ciao for now
apes

i watched Neverending Story last night- it was great. i haven't seen that movie in so long! i think i'll watch the second one again.
Amber also called last night- cuz she needs money- well, her and Duane, cuz they won't have enough money to pay for everything- even to buy food ...it's sad, cuz Amber is sooo stressed out, cuz she's in charge of the finances so to speak, and since they both don't know about how Jesus would handle it- or how he designed it to be--- that decision wise it comes down to Duane, but Amber says he's bounced checks before- and he's really bad with money, But- i don't think Jesus meant for Amber to carry such a burden, already, being married and stuff.and she asked if i could send her money or something- and she called Dad- and it was so cool to hear dad say that he's gonna send her 100 dollars or something by the end of the week- and i told him, i could send 50 bucks with it- and he said that "No, no...i'll send some money"- and it was just soo cool, cuz he's trying to take responsbility now- and it almost makes me wanna cry- cuz we could never rely on papa helping us- with money things - growing up, we were really independant, having to buy everything on our own...and he's sending HER money.
Gosh, i'm so proud of my dad.

i hope to marry somebody humble like my papa- to where I wanna tuck underneath the authority of my husband, becuz i know it's not becuz he is going on a power trip- but i'll know that he is making the decision out of his love for me- and for the best for both of us.- and what Jesus would want.
i think i have a couple years till then.

it's been so humid here...gosh, i hate humidity.the air is heavy.
to watch the world change around me...it's hard to handle. Brandi getting married...me not having any friends, Megan getting married..i sigh inside..ugh. i cry inside. but not outside, cuz i need to hold that in- cuz it won't do much good.
it won't be worth the tears.
it's just that i need to wait. i need to hold on.


what else...
the computer at nancy's house is sooo screwed up - i don't know what's going on with it. but it seems like the only time i'll use the computer is when i'm here at work, or at mom and toms' house.
i haven't watched the Lord of the Rings 2nd one in a long time. i should do that sometime soon.
or the 3rd one, actually, i think i'll get that one sometime soon.
when i get another fatty check from work- my last one was for 530- for 2 1/2 weeks! that totally rocked!
i hope for at least another 500 dollar check before school starts
i hope i can do this trip to Ireland with Autumn, i really don't know!
ugh.

i'm here and i'm alive.
weird story- i met a guy that i met online- just yesturday, it was just a weird event, i think.
okay, i feel very dorky for saying this- but on Christian mingle dot com or something we saw eachother's posts- and then he typed to me and i typed back- (this was only 2 days before he actually came up to Traverse City)- and then..he said "OH, wow yer from Traverse City-! my mom just asked me to go there with her a funeral---"- and so- he was gonna come up to traverse the next day- which was Monday, and i thought- okay this is totally weird...and then i'm like- well, it's a first time for everything...so i gave him my phone number and then he gave me a call - but i missed it cuz i was at my dad's house, so then, i saw this number- on the caller ID- thinking that it was his and it was!- so i called and he said he'd like to meet up!
So- i picked him up when he showed up at the Best Western in Traverse city, and his mom was watching from the car- it was cute. but, he was tall-ish, blonde hair, very attractive blue eyes, and he's got a little gut on him- but that's cool, cuz he's getting into those older-man looking years, cuz he's 29 or 30 yrs. old, and well, he's got a story to tell. it was great to sit down with somebody else, and talk to them about stuff- he's graduated from Western Bible college, in Pontiac, and then got married-after that, to a girl that WAS his best-friend, (almost in a sense) and then a year after they got married- he got in a horrible accident while working- he was carring a whatever-pound bag of salt, and he turned and fell- and it landed on him- crushing his sternum and breaking a few discs...that's so bad! and then he was stuck in bed for like a few months- and then, one day she came home and told him that she just couldn't take this anymore- and that she left him and asked for a divorce. He was totally shocked and didn't ever think this would happen to him--- and he just went through a couple years of brokeness and restoration with the Lord- after that...and now he's just looking for somebody to share a new life with I guess.
But i thought everything went great...he's good to talk to- i just hope that i wouldn't be stuck in more and more conversations about that--- i do like to listen, i just wouldn't wanna be stuck with somebody that is just looking for somebody to replace their old wife...eh. that's just yucky.
But he seems like a really good guy.
anyways. that's my news for now, i just had a really long day and am totally pooped cuz i went to go see Amber down at CMU and that was fun- cuz dad drove me all the way down there, and he hung out with us, it was so cool- i don't think we all hung out with dad like that for a while.
we went out to eat and that was yummy- papa paid for it...it was just an excellent day all around.
so, ciao for now.