i stared at my own retirement bed with wide eyes. this would be me someday. i will get old. it's inevitable...it's the only sure thing in life...i will die someday, and it will all be over and done with. and my thoughts on this while driving home from the hospital, was "God creator of the Earth, and heaven, ordained this to happen. and He knows that it is good. this is good"

i went to go visit my grandma in the hospital, cuz she broke her ankle, slipped on the wet floor at home and broke her ankle- it was sideways and she HERSELF cracked it back into place....while nobody was there...while she was alone...she endured...she triumped, she conquored.
but she'll be alright...i know she will.
but seeing her in that bed made me think two things:
1. these nurses go through A LOT- (meaning personal stuff- like they wipe people's BUTTS!)
2. these nurses will someday be in the same spot as the person they're helping.
and a third...
3. i will someday be in grandma's spot, on the bed...

i dont' wanna be. i don't want somebody wiping my butt..it's embarrasing...it's totally humiliating..

so i thought i might just take the time to type this- i felt WEIRD all day long too...and i wonder if this is the reason why- cuz grandma fell. - and i didn't know it at that time, but the Lord was trying to tell me.
hmmm.

i'm going hiking tomorrow. and i'm gonna stay up late tonight to finish up a bit of homework- being productive.

blogger now, it seems, is more of a chore. becuz to finally get off the computer is a blessing, but to journal online, I MUST ME ONLINE. go figure
i'd like to write in my journal instead but a las, i don't have it with me here at work...bored, bored, bored.
and it seems like i'm eating everything in sight. i bought myself a personal pan pizza, and some low-carb stuff from here- and a Mango snapple a day shake thingy-
i'm totally excited though! going camping this weekend! OH JOY! really- i already have my backpack full. and i'm not sure how big it is. but it seems pretty heavy for just an over-nighter.- i could probably switch sleeping bags. this sleeping bag is HUGE - its' taking up more space than the tent i think. I got a good pointer from Keith- to separate the items of the tent, in order to create more room and space the weight out.
and i've been checking out stuff online - i need a new sleeping bag, but i can wait, cuz the one i'd wanna get is like over 100- down feathers...they're the best.- and a sleeping pad. and eventually my own stove and fuel.
Alicia burts would be proud! : )
i wonder how she's doing at the national park she went to...ugh! i envy that.
but i think i'm gonna go to Isle Royal national park in the U.P, or to Pictured rocks... sometime- after october maybe?
Nancy-Ron and Me..and whoever else wants to come- we are gonna go do that wine-tasting festival, in November- 14th- the "Toast of the Season" tour...it'll be cool.
fun. festivities.
i've been wondering inside, if i am ready for a relationship- if the occasion would arise..i don't know. i haven't been made aware of anything yet. if it might be in a person's mind to ask...or if it's just me assuming things.
oh well. i'll rock on with my single self in the mean time.
ciao

finally. look out world, it's time to blog.
i don't think i have in a while. the computer at work is not working for the internet- and i don't really wanna be typing a whole lot with my wrists being so dumb right now.
But i'm currenlty digging on a cup of cold cafe' ola'. good stuff. i've completed my dental homework, just a bit though.
i've been wondering how my good buddies out west are doing. i know brandi is fine, she just emailed me a bit ago, "married life is good" she said. she's enjoying it. and i have another marriage to go...Megans, it's two sundays from now...it'll be at the Waterfront, so i'll get to watch everyone work!
i'm going hiking this coming weekend, i'm totally stoked! and i might go diving with mike sometime soon. i haven't gone in sooo long.

what's been on my mind recently:
1. homework-being faithful in little so the Lord will honor me in much
2. a guy...a specific one... ; )- and letting the Lord be the center of a relationship if it's HIS will (not mine)
3. getting a new vehicle- possibly jeep, possibly not.
4. what the Lord really has for me, in comparison to what i THINK he wants for me.

i guess i can expound on this last one- I think too little of what Jesus really wants for me- like "Oh, i'm just gonna have some average dude...get married...have kids...and be settled down..."
but i don't just want the ordinary, i want the extraordinary... i want the magnificent, i want the PROMISE....it screams inside me.
DON'T SETTLE FOR LESS THAN WHAT GOD HAS FOR YOU!
and i want to hold to this. this fact this promise.
i want the great romance that John Eldrige speaks of in the Sacred Romance...I want the knight in shinning armor, i want noble one to come and sweep me away....i know that i have all this in Jesus.
and so starts the internal battle.
i will rest in Him.
i will rest in the promise.
faithfulness Lord, is what i ask...from you..to dwell in me.

I made candles the other day- and they smell great. I love getting into little crafts like that. it's tons of fun. making things with my own two hands. it's great.
wise words from april:
*when revealing your heart to somebody, it's better to do it one section at a time and slowly, or else they'd see the whole thing and freak out, cuz it's a bloddy mess man!**

the one HE calls:
sweet spring song