i just read about Esther...ohhhh, the noble woman of God...who dared to step into the King's Court, not knowing if he'd stretch his scepter out to her- to save her life....to send a message. She was made the Queen-for such a time as this...as Mordecai the jew said. She was wedded to the King for a purpose...and she was CHOSEN for a reason.
I think she was humble though. Not all prideful about being a Queen- i think she would have been a bit more quiet and still trying to understand "How did I get here?" "Am i really a queen?" I think these would be a few of the thoughts going through her mind.
but she was daring and a warrior in spirit. Becuz she revealed Haman for who he truly was...a sneaky snake, a venomous serpent- who went through the back door in cowardice- trying to complete a task of destruction.
But she revealed his plan.
not only that- but i think she revealed Satan IN Haman- for who he really was. a cowardly snake.

i'm digging on some cheese crackers right now, and I already had 2 Cherry French Sodas- those surely are addicting!
and i gotta work ALL day today, and i surely should go visit dad and vickie tomorrow after church : (
i hafta drive all that way.

i wanna receive more visions from God.
i want HIS ideas in my mind.
i want HIS thought and HIS desires.
i just want more of Jesus.
consume me Lord.

You know, when i think about life- and all the expensive things of the world- the Hummers, the Vets, the mansions, the personally owned helicopters?? - it kinda drives me crazy. in America we have totally gone over bored. When i think, personally- about what i would ever need. I DON'T need a whole lotta "stuff"--- i really just need Jesus, but anything He gives me is kinda like a blessing ontop of knowing him alone. material things will fade away, right? so what will any of it mean in the end? A pile of rubbish that will melt away with all the world. in a blaze! HA HA!. for some reason that makes me happy.
cuz what is a man at his best?
Just a man, really. that's all we ever will be.
a man will not stand in front of God with all his "stuff" and convince God that he is some important man where he comes from.....
he will be bare before the Lord, weak and helpless....vulnerable...to the piercing stare of the Lord.
at best, anyone is just human. and can never be more than another...
just some random thoughts on life...
-April

yesturday was the day 0f my freeedom!
and i am still overjoyed!
seriously!
i have marked 11/17/04 as the day I was SET FREE!
and He is loving me again and i'm totally falling in love with Him again, and those parts of my heart which were once dead and dark are now alive and breathing well,
and beating.
and singing.
and dancing!

The old has past away, now the ALIVE one sings in ME! seriously! the LIVING one is singing in me and keep my eyes sky-ward. keeping my thoughts sky-ward....towards the big tree that i saw in that vision! which i still don't know what it means...
and the eagle that was flying around her little baby eggs, in the nest...
sooo overwhelmed. SOOOO happy! i cannot contain it...it is all overwhelming....and i'm happy about that .
i'm happy that i didn't even EXPECT that yesturady was the day of freedom!
and Jesus totally set me up for it too. He did. I was gonna hafta work, i was SUPPOSE to be at work! and somebody just called me and asked if they could work for me! and i was like not even thinking about it at the time --- but i was SUPPOSE to be at youth group....--- i was SUPPOSE to get set free that day and i was suppose to see visions..and recieve my blessing!

i have felt for a long time now...that the Lord has just been passing me by or looking over me...not really noticing...not reallly seeing me....ohhh, but HE DOES. He sees me...
and HE IS REAL.
HE IS SOOO REAL.
ohhh i hope the reality of that statement continues to fill me and consume me.
GOD! Be the fire in my belly! Be the winds that sweep my hair back! Be the water i jump INTO for refreshing!
Jesus I rejoice in YOU becuz you set me free from the burden on back and the law of sin and death!
oh happy day.
be with me forever
betroth me to YOU again once again...
and again.
i love you.
april

i'm just kickin' back right now at the Low-Down-Dirty-Carb shop pondering a thought that makes me happy but at the same time makes me worry. But worry isn't from the Lord- and only my flesh OR satan would want me to be worried or nervous/anxious. So, i will have peace of mind and gentleness of spirit. And I will pray about things.
He will give me peace.

So, other than this fun time...i am doing homework, Human Biology, Dental Office Management and i checked emails. I woke up at like 5:10 this morning cuz i couldn't really swallow- my throat was really dry! and I just noticed as i was opening my eyes- my contacts were still in! yeah...so they were all sticky- and not coming off my eye when i tried to take them out! my eyes were really dry after that too!. augh. to say the least it was a VERY sleep-less night.
So, now i'm downing a Monster E+ drink! oh! yummy. these are sooo good!

SO, i want some input from somepeople that read this- some of my good brothers in the Lord (back out west that is...). What if I was interested in a guy here in America, and well, what if he was like a few states away from me?? and well...what if he was interested in me?? what do you think i should do? He's a christian, and professes to have an intimate relationship with Jesus and well, he's currently in school himself, and well, i might have met him online...All of this is hypothetical ofcourse...and we might have talked online a few times already...having a good time talking about anything and everything! and i might have seen what he looks like....ofcourse, once again this is ALL hypothetical...
so, what are your guys' thoughts on this??
Cuz, i'll be prayin' about it. and ask God to give me some sorta Ja oder Nein answer. Cuz He listens, and He has a plan for me...
I'll let ya if anything comes outta this, kay? (this hypothetical situation that is... : )

I bought a Nora Jones CD and it's sooo good, i dig on it late at night, while i type or in the morning when i'm having a quite time with Jesus...especially "Come Away"
"Come away with me, in the night....
come away with me, and I'll sing, you a song...
come away with me and we'll kiss,
on a mountain top."
yeah, she's got this groovy voice.
it's foggy and a bit misty-outside right now. I like it. It reminds me of Oregon.
AHHHH. Oregon. land that i love.
- the song

I CALLED HIM!
oh! that was soooooo COOL! I called my friend Suhas in India! it was totally far-out! and it was neat hearing his voice, cuz it's totally like an Indian-voice! it put a smile on my face, to say the least! when i called him, it was 10:30 at night, on Monday- see, he was just ending his day- when i was just beginning my day!!!!!!
i am totally in awe how we can just call up some person that is located all the way across the world! it's sooo neat!
WOW!
: )
i am so happy that today was slow, so i could call him. that was really neat!

So, as for life...i had a good morning, - i woke up at 8:00 and had some coffee and made some breakfast- eggs and a banana and i say in my little chair and watched Brittany run around with the cat. we also have a little month-old kitty in the house...it's fun for Brittany. she chases the kitty around and the cat slaps Brittany in the face! so funny!

i wonder what it's like over there in India- other than HOT. i know that much already, but i wonder how the people are.?? what are their manners and customs? i wonder how things smell over there and how things taste and how things look!
i'm just sooo curious and a traveler at heart, really. adventurous.
i wish i could go everywhere in the world!
and give testimoney to the awesome hand of God in the world!
Jesus!
amen.
-april