some new friends of mine just recently got back from this Toronto-airport church convention: about Signs, Wonders and Miracles of the Lord- and Todd Bently was a speaker- and well, those people came back with such testimonies as I have never heard.
i cannot be easily uprooted- becuz i've gone through many storms already, and I've proven faithful to the Lord, ONLY becuz He's been faithful to me and i have nothing on my own accord (strength wise). i mean- i'm here arent' I? i guess that's a testimoney in itself- the fact alone, "I am here"- and he's held me safely all the way through Oregon, China..and the drive back home.
I have soo much to be thankful for.
so many things to rejoice about.
and i don't even realize it.

so. it's sloshy outside right now and i wish, more than this, that it could be snowing again.
i like it: it has a calming effect.- plus i just haven't seen it in a long time. It's like an old friend.
so- my new friend from New Jersey is coming to visit me: and i'm really excited about it, at the same time i'm really nervous. i mean, that ONE time i actually met a dude from online was just weird- we barely knew eachother and well, after a while i really didn't wanna be hangin' out with him,- cuz he seemed really bitter still about the divorce with his wife. but- i think this time it's different. Cuz Joseph and I get along so well already and we usually have things to talk about- (either that- or to laugh about!) and we've been emailin' about a month or so now...and talking on the phone and webcamin' and chatting and stuff- so- it's a bit more than last time.
but still yet: i guess i should just let all my assumptions- of what he is like in my mind...and really be suprised at who he is, when he comes to visit- like he's a new adventure ...like, a present that i get to open and find out what's on the inside. But i wanna be like that for him as well. so, i won't reveal all of who i am to begin with....a bit at a time. take it by the bit.
discovery.
new territory
something distant on the horizon...
adventure.
life....hide and seek.
the thought itself is just all new to me.

keeping Jesus the center of my love and heart- ofcourse. i've learned my lesson from past relationships before.
and everything would fall apart without HIM.
ohhh how true that is.
how many divorces happen- even in the church! becuz they don't hold onto Jesus with everything they have.... :( that is truly sad.
"ON Christ the solid rock i stand! All other ground is sinking sand...All other ground is sinking sand!"
and i wonder where along the relationship-lines...did something go wrong??like. can't people pin-point where EXACTLY things started to seem wrong or OFF?---Becuz i think-inside- that IF i were married- I would know the "spirit/feeling" of the relationship- and I would be able to TELL when there was something wrong- or a wedge or something seperating me from my love- cuz God designed us to be one? right? So- if there'd be something wrong- we'd both be able to tell- and- I guess: what it might boil down to- is communication and humility: like this for example:
wife talking to husband: "Honey, it really hurts me when you don't talk to me anymore about things/ (or fill in the certain question-whatever it may be)"
husband responding to wife: "Ohhhh, i'm sorry my love!- what would you like to talk about?" (you see this is a VERY simple scenario- but it's just an outline-apply it to any situation in a relationship)
OR for the husband:
Husband says to wife: "You know babe, I love you. and i just gotta let you know, i don't exactly feel like the "spiritual leader" of the home- when you keep taking over- Could you just relax and allow me to do what God has designed me to do?"
wife to husband: "i'm sooooo sorry honey, i didn't realize i was being sooo controlling and u-surping your place as the spiritual leader of the home- I want you to be who God has created you to be- and I wanna be who God has created ME to be. I love you sooo much! gimme a kiss!"
(and ofcourse these are just simple examples: i don't know what questions married couples face together, cuz i've never gone through that yet- so i have a very limited view point)
But as you can see- communication of problem is given: and Humility is taking over in both of the married couples' hearts.
So- if both those qualities worked together for the Good of the relationship- then what more could happen/go wrong?? I really would like to know. this isn't a hypothetical question. I really DO wanna know what other issues face married couples.
I HAVE NO CLUE!
cuz i really believe that God is designing me and developing me- through this waiting period in my life.
so- i want to use it wisely.

"eye me!"
sigh oh sigh...
i think my heart is being captured...not just by the Lord...but by someone else...
and i think it's alright.
i think things will be just fine.
I've been praying about this- i've been seeking the Lord.
and well,
depending on what Jesus says- when we meet- i won't reject His will for my life, whatever that may be.
It's sooo nice to talk to somebody with similar interests and with a similar --uhmmm, attitude/character? i don't know if that's the right word.
Hmmmm.
fire and water.
nice thought.
and for all those who are reading this (as in those in Oregon)- i will fill you in when the time comes ;) AND if it's truly the Lord's will- I will bring this certain somebody to Oregon- no worries.
this thought makes me giddy inside...it makes me wonder...it makes me cautious as well... i cannot simply be WOO-ed by him...i must KNOW him first. and then he will have the opportunity to woo me, to betroth me, to flatter me...
OH BLISS!
OH JOY!
oh happiness.
whom is called Jesus.