just got done talking to pastor mike and the wife- and well, ohhhhhh ...i have a sinking feeling in my gut right now.
i cannot make somebody passionate for the Lord. they have to want that all on their own- and i cannot make somebody want the Holy Spirit filling and overflowing, they have to want that all on their own.
i will not dangle this idea of getting filled with the holy spirit- as bait for somebody- like "If you do this and this and this THEN i will go out with you..."
oh man.
the sinking feeling.
i do not wanna be a wife- 15 years down the road, asking myself "What kind of man did I marry!?"- and being worried becuz he might think "That Holy Spirit stuff is too weird for me!"- or thinking something else, or NOT WANTING TO SERVE THE LORD AT ALL!....just becuz i thought that he would/could change when i knew him before getting married. i cannot change somebody- they must want MORE of the Lord on their own.


eye me!
Ohy Vay!

we will see.
God will see. and he will show me

oh lord.
i thank you. that you left such things mysterious to me.
i thank you
God
for not allowing me to see the full picture of life right off the bat.
OH GOD.
i thank you cuz you've set things in your perfect will.
i thank you,
cuz you know what you are doing.
and that you kept some things in life a suprise to me-
that you held back some of the secrets of knowing you, till now.
and that you have even more waiting for me to find out.
you are such a mystery to me, Jesus. you are such a wonderful mystery.

regardless of what your will is Jesus, you WILL always be like this. you will never fail me- your WILL will always be awesome to me.

i just read a really cute book that a friend gave to me for christmas- it seems more like a childrens book, but it's slightly theological/inspirational- it's about caterpillars and pillars and butterflies...and the adventures of life...good and bad. it's called "Hope for the Flowers"
it was made in 1972- that's awesome! and it's still pretty relevant to a persons life!- it was relevant to mine.

i'm chillin' out at the low-down-dirty carb shop right now- working...
fun fun fun.
all day long.
i think i'll spend this time kindling my fire for Jesus.
oh!
yesturday was awesome.
at church. i was just getting words from Jesus.
like a door set before me-
and things-- RADICAL- things are gonna be happening within 6 months, and then another 6 months.
and then i was told that i'm an instructor...by how i live- and my life itself will be the teaching avenue that i use, or something like that....and it was also said that i was going through a library or something, and reaching up on the shelves, to get books down for the ones that wanted to learn- and i'd point them in the right direction..and stuff like that.
i just think it's amazing...
that God can use people to speak into your life- and you can be used to speak into other people's life- for God's kingdom! for the purposes to fullfill HIS works...and to reveal that dynamic side of Jesus that i'm sooo in love with!

i'm asking for the opening and closing of doors here. and the confirmation of the H0ly Spirit in my life- through people, through his WORD and by his spirit.
point me in the right direction Lord.
(i think i'm on the right track- i just want him to confirm it all the more!) Becuz i ask- i know my heavenly Father will answer...becuz he is concerned about the life of his daughters...and a daughter who seeks him!

so ciao for now,
my wrists are hurting, as well as my elbows..i'm gonna get prayer for them, to recieve healing for them. i think i'll read more up on my "What Darwin didn't know" book that Brandi got me for my birthday in April.