man- this will be the 3rd posting within 2 days! that's a lot for me!
anyways. this post has validity...reason for typing it-
i know you would ALL think i'm crazy- I EVEN THINK IT'S CRAZY!
but what if the Lord calls me back to China?? :(
kinda scared about the whole thing...
but i just recently started talking to my friend that i made over there- Peter Bowling- and he's telling me that he can hook up an AWESOME opportunity where i could have a place to stay, a hook up for a plane ticket- and TRAINING- for real this time!!!!!!!!
the only reason i kinda trust all of what he's saying- is becuz he kinda got screwed over by the same guy i did- "Darwin Lee"- while he was over there the first time- in China...in like 2001 or something- and he fled china- (much like i did!) and swore he would NEVER go back-- but i guess the Lord led him back there-- to open up his OWN "teaching english" business-- and it's like expanding by LEAPS AND BOUNDS! which is awesome...but not so much- cuz i guess they REALLY need teachers over there for the schools that are expanding.

the Lord has really worked on my heart- in the area of forgiving those who wronged me in China- even the Glaziers (the older couple who told me about it)-- and that i hafta let go now- of all the hurts..and fears- of EVER GETTING CALLED BACK THERE!
i swore i would never go back....
but what if??
what about my plans of becoming a Dental Hygienist Lord?? what about my plans of a future- with a husband, and with a cute little cabin in the woods? and with kids? what about all this?

i might just be speaking out of confusion- of what's going on with joseph and stuff-- or what i "think" i want to do with my life....
but then again- *whispering to self* My life belongs to God now- always has been- so, I guess i yeild to whatever his purpose is for my life... becuz it's not my own.
Jesus said: "If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow Me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake, he is the one who will save it."

i've always known--- and other people in my church can see this in me as well--- that i'm not just an "every sunday" christian....the constant battle is that "Living Sacrifice" doesn't mean a "comfortable lifestyle"- or a comfortable church for that matter (OUCH! that must hurt for some people to read)
anyways- i always knew there was something more- to live for- than just for myself.

so, that's the dilly-O.