i am here and my teeth hurt!
ouch.
i was just talking to somebody about Joseph and I- a girl i live with here, in the house of 5 women. (secretly, i think i will miss these years of being surrounded by other women and being lifted up in prayer and being of the same spirit- you know-womanly time is good for the soul)
so- we were talking- and i said: "I just don't want this time to just fly right by my face and not take it all in. I don't want this time of courting to just blink by and not be able to pause and think "ahhhh, i'm in love" or "He's the one" or "I am betrothed to my beloved" - you know what i mean.
It just seems to be happening all so fast.
sweeping by me like a windstorm, getting all caught up in it, with my hair flowing backwards and getting all tangled up, and seeing the lightning strike and not fully taking it all in. to pause for a moment and breath in the love.....to absorb the calmness of spirit and the rest of the soul.
Ach! I can't explain it fully.
i wonder if Brandi knows what i'm talking about.

Anyways. here i am, totally excited about everything God is doing right now, and totally excited about what he's gonna do in the future. He's opening doors, and he's blessing us. in ways. and i've asked Him to completely bless us and go before us (like wedding stuff-ya know-expensive stuff) and to hook us up- as if we had unlimited resources to get married. That God would provide all our needs according TO HIS riches and glory! not our own- so, all the more, we would have our Father in Heaven provide for us, when nobody else could/would.
God's always been there for me like that- and i know he will when it comes to that kinda stuff. I hafta remember what he's done for me in the past.
GOD IS SOOOOO GOOD.
really, He IS.
that HE is.
man i love HIM. Jesus jesus jesus...my love.
there's so much more to life than just living.
there's more to life than breathing, eating, and working.
there's more to life than my own pleasure or happiness.

i think that this relationship will be founded on God's grace alone.
His grace is what covers us right now....and in all things - we will seek his face together- and in all things- we will pursue his mercy and grace together- and in all things- we will see HIM lifted up above our own wants and desires.

i was hungry inside. that's how it all started. and ended. cuz i still felt that weird feeling while boarding the plane, but even worse.
but it's not like that now. it's settled and i'm settled.
and i've sought HIS grace and mercy, and have had to ask for forgiveness...and it's all new to me- this kind of grace and mercy that is. and i will not linger on this side of God's grace and mercy- becuz HE asks us not to abuse his grace and just keep sinning so grace abounds all the more (like the Apostle Paul said)- that's wrong.
shoot. and i'm wrong. shoot. i don't know what i'm doing! i don't know how to have a GODLY relationship! I AM GONNA NEED ALL OF THE UNDERSTANDING/WISDOM THAT GOD CAN GIVE ME TO DO THIS, BECUZ I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING!
and so will joseph.
he will i think - even more so- cuz he's suppose to be the spiritual leader in the relationship- he's suppose to wanna initiate praying to God about stuff, and drawing closer to God as a couple,- and he's suppose to wanna seek God's face, just as a MAN OF GOD DOES!
just to hear his voice alone. that's all. just to hear a whisper from Jesus behind our ears..saying: "This is the way walk in it" as he told me so long ago- when i moved back home.
Just as Moses told God: "I will not move up from here, if you do not go with us!"
and then, after that- "Show me your GLORY!"
dude.
i can't help it, but i want both. i want his hand leading us AND i want HIS GLORY to shine upon us and IN us!
i wanna be an example for what a GODLY relationship is suppose to be- and to be SOOOOOOOOOOOO filled with GOD'S GLORY that we radiate God' presence - our faces would glow with HIS LOVE! (and then, that would move us to love others and EACHOTHER-in a GODLY way!)

man. God's got so much planned, i don't even know the beginning of it all.
*sigh*
i still can't believe it.
i'm in a relationship with somebody.
with Joseph Harper Rival (the 3rd!)- from the people of New Jersey and HE MISSES me...and HE CARES ABOUT ME..and He thinks i'm cute....and HE wants to draw closer to God with me! (this is the most attractive thing about him ofcourse) and he longs to have a relationship with me.
AND
i wanna get to know him more....more details about his childhood....more dreams and visions that he has for life, from God....i wanna travel mountains with him (cuz he's stronger than I)....i wanna have a relationship with him! but i also wanna take things abit slower than where they've gone already.
having conversations about the future with him, it provokes this idea that we're already together (like we're already married - but we're not)- and opening a box like that too soon, before it's time, isn't good for a person's mind/heart.
It's important to go slow, cuz then, you find out if a person can wait and be patient with me, and the LORD..and it gives the LORD enough time to work miracles in that persons' life, or open their eyes to a side of God they haven't seen before.
IT ALLOWS GOD THE TIME TO PREPARE US BOTH FOR WHAT HE WOULD HAVE FOR US, NOT WHAT WE WOULD HAVE FOR OURSELVES.
"By the power of the deer and gazelles, I urge you sisters, do not wake love before it is ready" - Song of Songs, the woman says to her maids.
amen to that sister!
ciao for now,
april melody