finished reading "Every Woman's Battle"- and completely encouraged.
1. To draw away with the Lord-as my lover
2.That sex isn't a sinful thing (if it's in a marriage relationship)
3. That guys aren't the only ones that struggle with sexual sins...

This is the book that is like that one: "Every Man's Battle"- but for woman, obviously. And i really gleaned everything outta that book. In order to overcome and conquer sexual sin- one must "starve it to death"- as Shannon Ethridge said in the book.
that's so right on. and there's just alot she said about- like married life and what will you do, if yer husband or whatever, let's you down..or something like that...and isn't as romantic as you thought he would be. Or that you thought you were marrying into a man that was truly passionate, but just turns out to want his "need" met- and not really love you in the romantic way anymore,.

I could sense by this book that there could be problems, if my husband didn't know my love language (cuz she talks about that in the book)- i would be very frustrated and break down in tears,- becuz he didn't leave a little secret love note for me to find- or becuz he didn't engage in deep conversation with me- or becuz he didn't give me a hug that day. Even reading some of the stories in this book, about women, who give their ALL to minister to the husbands- but yet they dont' know their wifes' certain love language, so their wife is left out to dry....and in tears.
That thought really left me feeling hopeless- like "what if that happened to me?!" What if the person you loved didn't EVEN try to minister to your love language? Like, TALKING...JUST THAT...is enough for me- if i engage in a deep conversation- about God/Jesus/Holy Spirit- or anything else for that matter- IS ENOUGH for me! i mean, that would fill my love tank, i guess. Cuz i communicate and want to be communicated by this love language, of talking.
I would hope that my husband would love me enough to sacrifice his own way of "trying" to connect with me in a different love language- in order to meet that area of "Talking" that is REALLY my love language. And I would try to understand and get to know his love language as well!

WOW. marriage is sooo complicated. all these things that could happen, and present problems...that i can't solve NOW. or i can't predict NOW.
But then again, it wasn't mine to solve or predict. It's the LORD's to HEAL.
But, it warns me, or guards me- to not get married thinking:
"He will change, He will be that man i really want to marry, after a while he will be different.." and marry into the deception of another creature, which is NOT your husband at all!

All i really want, is somebody that is completely, hopeless, and passionately SOLD OUT FOR CHRIST. nothing less. and you know what- i don't think that's asking too much. It's EXACTLY what the Lord has set-aside for me- nothing less.

the forever,
sweet spring song

why is it that U2 always puts me in this "reflective"state? well, here i go. off to blogger land!
i can see now why jesus has constantly reminded me of Joshua 1:9- don't be afraid. Cuz being in a relationship is kinda scary. I mean- a serious one-where the end goal is MARRIAGE. cuz it's like this constant thing that i must think of. "I'm gonna marry him someday." and scary questions filled with doubt and laced with fear invade me:
"What if he cheats on me? What if he turns back to his old ways and decides not to follow Jesus anymore? What if he abuses me?(this one is very heavy) What if, what if, what if...."
and it's like Satan is just setting up bait right in front of me- trying to scare me sooo much- to where i would tell him that i can't do this...i can't get married. i'm too scared.
But really- when i think of WHO Joseph IS- his character- his TRUE-God-loving nature- i find- that's HE'S NOT LIKE ANY OF THESE THINGS THAT I'M AFRAID OF! these are things that he would never DO! but...man is changing- MAN CAN CHANGE...(BUT GOD IS UNCHANGING...GOD IS FAITHFUL)
a man's actions or views can change SOO many times, but God's won't.
I think maybe that's the scary part.
that i hafta put trust in something SOOO much- somebody that can CHANGE. and i'm soo used to putting my trust in Jesus- who is the unchanging one. who is the unfailing one.... but MAN can fail. MAN can SIN.
and that's the stinky part.
i'm not saying i can't sin. or that i can't change...i'm saying I'M apart of this too! that's scary to think of too- questions like:
"Will i remain faithful, when a younger-attractive looking man comes up to me and whispers sweet-nothings into my ear? Will i run away? Will i leave? Will i turn back to MY old ways? Will i turn to my own strength/power- and not Jesus'?"
I can say that I will remain faithful NOW...but WILL i THEN?! it's sooooo tough. it's soooo scary, daring...

and i can see NOW- why God has been repeating Joshua 1:9- into my ear all along...cuz i used to say: "GOD- why do you keep telling me this verse..I ALREADY KNOW IT! I'M NOT AFRAID...i dont' know what yer talking about!"
suprise, suprise.

what now, Lord. what now?
"It's true we are immune, when fact is fiction! and TV reality!"
- U2.

it's so nice and warm outside right now, i'm totally sick of this whole-winter thing. YUCK...i'm sooo tired of it. it can leave now...really. it can. i want warmth- i want pretty grass to run around in and have picnics in.

Right now, God is teaching Joseph and I finances. - What we should/should not buy- AND we're fasting from Ebay-i've actually thought about going without computer for that long. but i really need to keep up with my bank account online. AND i wouldn't be able to see Joseph as much as i do now- cuz of webcam and microphone ;)- so that would be sad.
but that will be it for now-
my hands hurt :(