The world of New jersey and everything it contains.
1. crazy people on the turnpike
2. a lot of cars and traffic
3. people who say "wuader" instead of water.
4. people who say shore instead of coast or bay.
5. alot of fast-talking LOUD people (especially italians)

so, for those Michigan country-bumpkins (like me) it's a really rough wake up call. I knew a few Jersey people in YWAM- namely Joseph from north Jersey and Eddie- (i think he was from north Jersey too). All this traffic and crazy people on the roads...and people who ALWAYS cut you off in a sentance. it's tough. i'm staying quite though. cuz it's pretty in some areas...and the COAST IS BEAUTIFUL! WE'RE going there tomorrow- JOseph and I. we're gonna take a day trip out to the coast- (they would say SHORE)- it'll be fun and i'm soooo looking forward to hopefully getting in the water.

right now, i'm hanging out with his sister and his sister's friend. we all had dinner together and went into the backyard where there was a water-pond thing that you can actually sit in and get cooled off (have i noted that the weather in New Jersey is HORRIBLE! HOT AND HUMID-even more so than Michigan, if you can think of that???!!) and then, after that- we watched an oldie but a goodie- CRY BABY! it was so much fun. i remember watching that when i was like 15 or something! wow. think- that was 10 years ago!

I went to josephs' church on sunday and the bible study thing on tuesday- which wasn't much of a bible study. more like a dude, thinking he was a pastor- preching at us, like we couldn't hear form God our selves??? i didn't like it too much. it seems like a "too comfortable" kinda church- where the messages are basic and soft and well, "seeker friendly"- that is more like and everyday sunday kind church, where people put on a happy face and say they're happy and really are dying and empty inside. i dislike this kinda church cuz it gives a false misconception of who GOD is! cuz it's saying that God is fake in a way- cuz everyone in the church is a representation of Christ in the world- they- being christians are "mini-christ's" but not really- cuz they are trying to convince everyone they are fine and dandy...when in reality they are REAL, FEELING people too- with problems!

why do we do that to ourselves and to other people??? Put on a face just becuz we might be afraid or we might think that it's not the norm. or nobody else share's what they are really feeling- so YOU shouldn't. that is soooo messed up. i don't like pretending to be something I'm really not. and i'm not about to change WHO i am to meet somebody else's comfort level of what "should" and "shouldn't" be talked about in church.

Or this: WHO EVER SAID CHURCH HAD TO BE A CERTAIN WAY??? i'm talking about the churches that are like liturgry and stand up and sit down and say what i say and do what I DO....those kinda churches. where the heart behind it all is dead. really cold and dead. other than what Jesus said about the family of God and what they should do for one another....we have screwed it up sooooo much. it makes me sad.
"love one another, just as I have loved you..."-
those are words from the savior himself.
"If a brother falls, help him up again."
- those too are also words from the savior (paraphrased ofcourse)
and i hardly believe that is what actually happens.
we have programed everything and boxed everything up. so it's convient and stored and sanitized.
UGH.
how i sigh.
it actually makes me ask myself if i shine? if i truly LOVE people? do i treat people like CHRIST treats me??
hmmmm.....i don't think i'm completely honest ALL the time. to fit other people's molds or ideas...i kinda give in a bit too easily and say everything is alright sometimes. but, truly. i hope to learn how to love deeper and more sincerely.
like with the woman i'm living with now.- her name is Teri. and i think really- the only purpose for me being there is so that there's another person living in her house- cuz she's SOOO lonely. i can feel it there. she just wants somebody to communicate with.
I understand that.
aren't we ALL like that? desperate for love...desperate for somebody that understands the very deep thoughts of us?
i think so. and those who say no- yer putting on a face...for nobody but yourself.

and this was another question i've been asking myself- Do I really, really wanna be a wife someday?? it's tough work. i know. i even feel it now. the weight of it all is bearing down on me even now. the thoughts of being in a certain ROLE or MODE...like being the "wife". for some reason- i don't like that fully. but i DO like the idea of loving somebody forever. being apart of their LIFE forever...and growing OLD with them...and seeing them change over the years, and get old and fat and gray....
so,- i've realized. It's gotta be tough being a wife. it's gotta be a lot of work and pretty tiring. trying to please everyone all the time. trying to cook everything all the time. trying to clean everything all the time. .... all these wifey-things are something i don't know if i want to do 24-7, but i know,....my love has told me- that HE will share the burden.
i guess this burden wasn't meant be carried by one person alone to begin with. it was meant to be shared. everything,...right down to your very body.
God says that once yer married that even yer body isn't yer own.
weird thought.

So, even being here has provoked some deep thoughts....which i have wanted to discuss with Joseph- but have only touched the surface of in reality.
ciao for now.
auf wiedersehen as well,
april.