(This is an excerpt from my journal that i wrote while sitting in a house dimly lit by candel light.)
I charged through the storm today- literally.
It swept in the like a wave adn i was walkig the dogs- coming back from the lake. BOOM! and then a wave of rain falling- the wind carried it longer than it should've gone.
Nicky (Nancy's dog) was kinda scared and I triedto hurry them back home.

Finally putting them inside-I opened the front door to face my fate.

Facing my long awaited fate, out in the storm...Life or death.
Rather hoping it would be death.
Rather hoping it was a good day to die.
Rather hoping I'd see God.
Finally.
No more of this "seeing through a glass dimly".
No more of this partial-heaven on earth!

DANG IT! I WANT THE REAL THING! I'M READY FOR HIM!

So, face to the flint, I headed out into the storm, not knowing if I were to return.
Not knowig if I'd see Brittany again, not knowing if I'd see ANY of my family again.

I whispered under my breath:
"Bring it on Lord!"

Stomping out into the storm-the lightning was really surrounding me- a flash to the North, a flash and BOOM! to the west. and the rain pounded as I wandered daringly down the street.
Each step not so lightly taken.
Each step declaring my resolve to finally meet my maker.
"Please take me! I dare you! Just try it! Take me!"
I shouted now, not caring what the fokls across the street thought. Who cares if I want to be a little looney now and then?

Some man on his front porch shouted something out to me- I just stomped down the road (now barefoot) with the flood waters rushing past my feet and the clouds looking black and blue overhead.

"Just try it..." I whispered this time knowing the Lord of the sky and earth and heavens heard me.
Knowing that HE heard me.
So, what would he say?!
What is He going to say? I knew He was going to answer, but what would HE say?
Who cares. I trudged along looking to the skies, passing by a house that had a tree in it's driveway that the lightning hit minutes ago...
Shocked- if I had been here minutes ago...I would've been hit. I would've been taken, Finally! But I wasn't hit. I wasn't taken.
DANG IT!
"Answer me! ANSWER ME!"
I screamed, getting a little angry. Knowing that the power of God showed up here- RIGHT HERE- at this point- and I wasn't there! I MISSED IT!. ...I missed the Power of God....the awesome, rushing, uncontrolled, POWER OF GOD...
i missed it.
He was there in His Power and I didn't get to see it. I didn't get taken.
not yet anyways.

Passing the house and moving on, Praying in the Spirit...for God to meet me...cars pass by and I'm soaked to the bone. Probably looking like a drown rat and the cars just pass by not stopping.
I dont' blame them- I wouldn't stop for some loco-chic like me either...walking around in the wild, crazy thunder storms. Well, then again- maybe I would. Becuz I would be curious...a little too curious.
I'm funny like that.

By the time I got back around close to the house, it was really REALLY stormy and the lightning was close. I counted not even ONE-0ne thousand and it hit. less than .5 miles away.
The darkness crept in too easily, the black and blue clouds swept by too slowly and the storm lasted till eternity.

I could only blink to keep the waters of heaven out of my eyes.
So, I was almost home when the storm was the craziest.

I stood in the driveway with the rain continuing to pelt me, a little disappointed. I wanted God to finally tkae me, but He didn't. I wanted to be rid of this thing called earth. But yet it lingers.
and i heard a whisper...
a faint, subtle, whisper on the torrential winds...
"I still have plans for you. There are still things I have planned for you. Not yet."
and He whispered.
that was it.
I sighed.
Oh man, I still have to be here. I still have to live on this earth?!!!!!!!!!!!
As I was standing on the porch, I closed my eyes and held out my arms, letting every little bit of me be consumed.
I asked,
"WHy?!"
adn He said:
"Get inside! RIght now! or else I will take you...."
and as I opened my eyes- I saw a flash of lightning above the roof of the house....
and for a moment....
for a brief split second
I knew what Moses felt like. I knew it to my core-being. In my Spirit- I just KNEW the cry that Moses had in his heart at that very moment when he said:
"Show Me Your glory Lord!"
and I actually felt what it means to "fear the Lord" it's a respect thing. and an adoring thing at the same time.
I felt HIm say it again.
"GO INSIDE NOW!"
and hand on door...I paused.
I WANTED HIM TO TAKE Me!
i paused for that...
IN HOPE THAT HE WOULD TAKE ME.....
But, the fear of the Lord and the message in my heart made me open the door and finally take shelter from the storm.

and I sit here, writing this in a house lit by candle light...still trying to figure out what this really means.

NOTE: All of this was written in my journal after the storm- time was about 9:00-ish of writing by candle light.