enough of the ridiculous ideas....i can't do anything...i seem to fail at what i attempt to do. ugh.
sigh.
i am in the state of feeling frumpy, ugly, and well, NON-productive. like i'm not getting anything done and not going anywhere.
and that i'm not worth pursuing...there's a reason that joseph isn't doing that. like i'm really not worth the effort.
dude. i don't know. i'm sighing alot and kinda grumpy.
i totally broke the Master Cleanse thing, cuz joseph reminded me that i'd miss Eastern Sunday dinner with the family. so i finally ate something and decided that i'll start the day after the dinner. and i feel like crap now cuz i quit.
oh man, i don't know....was i setting myself up for a fall??
gesh. i don't know.
blah.
i just wanna go home :(

THE 10-Day MASTER CLEANSE.
This is what i'm gonna do for 10 days. I really feel like i should do an internal clease and a spiritual clease...to kinda re-focus on the Lord. it's really been on my mind, to get everything on page 1 or start over, or be new....all these thoughts are running through my head- that it's gonna be so hard to finally move back home :( cuz joseph will be out here...
i have a distinct feeling about this. like he will be staying out here and i'm moving back home.
yet again- he still has to decide for himself WHAT he wants to do, and if he stays here, FINE AND GOODBYE....i'm not gonna hold onto this grave stone which holds me down, WEIGHS me down soooo heavily.... seriously it reminds of that commercial of the car that is carrying an Ancor to a boat on the back- and it's just moving sooooooooooooooooo slow.
well, i feel like i've been walking through mud this whole time, since me being here. Ya know- it's funny, when Pastor Mike has prayed over me a couple of times- he's gotten visions of me flying or something....always something to do with the wind in my hair...like my hair is always caught up in the wind or something. I don't know what this fully means, but when he prophesied over me a few times, and he said something to that effect, thoughts of freedom came into my brain....a free-feeling, and sense of being ABSOLUTELY FREE AND WILD....like flying over a feild of tall grasses or grains.... And the sense or "feeling" of these visions is ALWAYS relieving or releasing or comforting...like from the LORD totally....and that HE wants to sweep me off my feet...ya know?

SO, during this 10-day fast, i will be drinking this funky mixture of Fresh Organic squeezed lemon juice, Grade B maple syrup, and cayenne pepper in distilled water. along with like 2 cups of Smooth-Move tea. yeah. that's ALL i get. it cleases all the horrible toxins that have built up over the years...and gives you sooo omuch energy at the end. but you hafta really watch your diet after this ...like gradually working off it- and EATING RIGHT.... no crap food. i wanna actually be a VEGGIE....ya know, tree-huging, Jesus-loving, granola-eatin', veggie-plantin', doggie-walkin', coffee-drinkin', HIPPIE VEGGIE!!!!!!!!!

well, i gotta go now. go to the store to get lemons and this weird tea.
ciao