Right now it's chill time again. but more so. cuz it's sunday and it was a good sunday! amen!
well, on top of that it wuz just awesome at church and i was totally digging the words the pastor and this woman named Kristi were praying over me. About how I remember the past events i've had with the Lord...and yes, those were good times. those were GOOD memories..and YES HE DID DO AWESOME THINGS in my life....But the pastor was praying about how he thinks the Lord is turning a NEW page and NEW things are starting, and that THOSE things that happened with the Lord in the past AREN'T going to even compare with what the Lord wants to do RIGHT NOW! and i'm like YEAH! AMEN! and there were some other words that i can't fully explain or remember. But i'm sure they'll slowly unfold and unravel in the next few days. it was just WAY awesome. and the woman- Krisit prayed over me- (and since the day is mother's day.I wanted prayer to be a good mama someday)-- and she had a vision of my children running around in the open fields and dancing and twirling before the Lord- worshiping the Lord with everything they had...and that I would HAVE MANY CHILDREN!!!!!!!!! crazy word don'tcha think?? ME! MANY CHILDREN? what does the Lord think he's doing! why does he put sooo much trust and hope in me! .....aaaahhhhhh--- i think i know. wink wink. i really think i know. He LOVES me that much. He loves me enough to trust me. He loves me enough to risk his own life- He loves me enough to put his OWN heart on the line. Oh, man. How i love Him.
Oh, how i love him.
I'm falling sooooo much more in love with him than i ever been before. GOSH. no man could ever fill this hole in me heart....none other could love me in this way- so deep and soooo pure and innocent and sacrificial!
What if i'm meant to like be single? I mean, i want kids someday, but i don't know...about getting married that is- what if i'm suppose to be single, cuz i'm just TOTALLY IN LOVE WITH THE LORD...more than ever before. and i tried the whole relationship thing and it seriously sucked. well, NOT EVERYTHING ABOUT IT STUNK.
speaking of which---this is basically where joseph and I are.
I talked to him online the other day (which i had to pull teeth to do)-- and well, he's like telling me i don't love him and stuff cuz i'm not showing it by the fact that i keep telling him to get with the Lord and stuff (i think anyway)-- but he's just SOOO lazy. it takes A LOT to get him up and move...to clean his room, to finally clean out his car, to ....blah blah blah- Anyways. I'm not his mother and never intend to be. So, we've decided we're stepping back, but still staying friends (yet he's not even acting like a friend- not typing back to me, not calling me, not sending text messages..) and i'm suppose to believe that he still wants to be friends? well, we are stepping WAY back- i guess, and i'm gonna NOT type, not call, not text HIM at all! cuz i'm sick of being the pursuer ya know? and we'll see how much we dont' talk. cuz i'm finally giving up.
giving up to the Lord actually.
which is fine by me.
at least i'm home now. not in new jersey. not pretending that i'm okay anymore. not faking anymore.

anyways. that's the lil' bit i'll say about that.
i'm kinda content too. kinda fine with where we are at. leavin' it up to the Lord. leaving everything up to the Lord once again. hoping for the Best. hoping for the MOST awesome will that he would have for my life.

over and out ya'll.
from the michigan gal,
apes