It's Wednesday night approximately 12:19...and i'm just really tired. I thought about typing in here before i went to bed...cuz I had afew things i wanted to talk about.
First, i may be going to YWAM salem for the summer, towards the last couple months of summer and i feel God is gonna do sumthin' awesome in my heart during that time...and he's working on me even now. I just need a continuous relationship with HIm...not built on emotions but the word of God. And today, in Major Hebrew Prophets, a woman by the name of Lynn came to speak about the old testament, specifically the book of Jeremiah and she was talking about the Hebrew language and I wanted to go back to Israel SOOO bad when she was talking about it. Actually, when i go back over there i really feel like God wants be to be doing prayer walks each day around the Old City and well, i don't know how big it is...but i wonder how long that would take. So, I'd do that, along with work and learn Hebrew. OH! i love that language. i know it'd be a lot of discipline, which is something God is really trying to work in me right now.

Speaking of which i don't know if I'm doing so hot in my classes. Well, i think partly becuz Ms. Lee's writing class is extremely hard and I've been working WAY too much to be even getting started on her paper, and then when I get home I'm just pooped...it's roughly 12:00 I usually get back...and I can't focus then!....yeah right, even when i convice myself to stay up till 3:00 am!...it still doesn't help. i am totally not focused on my homework. I really feel like i should be workign on campus next year- possibly in the library, in order to have enough time to like do my homework, and just get more studious....cuz that's what God wants to build in me...but i don't just want a learned heart, i want a changed heart that is soft in the hands of the Lord.

Speaking of which once again. tonight as i was driving home...around 11:00 ish I was like thinking about how i was stubborn towards Jacqui, only cuz she's so anal...for real, and i just don't think she likes me...and well. I didn't respond well when she told me some stupid thing and i was just really cocky and stubborn the rest of the night. the night wasn't too good to begin with. I wanted to get some weekend off to go to meet the Jeff guy who is the leader of the Niko in Salem, and well, i saw that both the weekends I could've used to get off we're gonna work for CARLA. and that just ticked me off, cuz I just can't get anything....AHHH!....shoot i just wannna get outta this rat race called "the American Dream"- Becuz i'm finding out more and more that it's really not what i want. what i want is the Lord's will and becuz He is like totally not like the world- and i know that He would be the most blessed out of me having a Submitted and humble heart. That's what i prayed...i don't know if he really heard it..I'm hoping so, cuz i meant it. I just want a broken and contrite heart, cuz i know...God's word says specifically that He won't despies that kind of heart, it says that in the Psalms...

So, i'm gonna go to bed, cuz i wanna try to get up to go hiking, but who knows if that's gonna happen.
i need to be faithful...in the most desperate way....
sweet spring song..