I am officially without a pooch now.
She died of unknown causes and I buried her outside, and placed chunks of bricks over her grave.
She dies in my arms, underneath my hoodie, cuz i was trying to keep her warm....she made it through the night....and i thought she's was gonna live. But, she died this morning, around 11:30- and i cried, went down stairs and buried her. Man this sucks. today has sucked altogether.
I've never had an animal die on me before. cuz we've only had blue. This kinda sucks.
I pictured myself on my knees last night, praying the same thing that Job prayed "The Lord gives and takes away, blessed be HIs name"- and i did the same thing today...but i told it to God. " God, you give and take away...blessed be Your name.."-So, after today i really wanted to spend some time wiht somebody- but there is nobody for me. only jesus. and He reminded me, he doesn't want any idols before him. Like in Ezekiel 16, where he describes Israel being a baby wallowing in it's own blood, and not taken care of, and thrown out...and God came along and washed her off, and cleansed her with salt, and anointed her with oil,...and then she got old enough, where she was ready for love, but the Lord wanted to protect her from other nations, so he clothed her with his own robes, and put a ring in her nose (to represent that she was taken) along with that she was blessed beyond her dreams...and yet she still turned away from the Lord. she followed after other lovers..and actually paid them to have sex with her. She acted as a harlot for them. She acted like a harlot....

The Lord doesn't want me to act like the harlot with ANYTHING...i'm not saying that my dog dying has anything to do with this, cuz i don't think that's how my Lord works...but i see through my pooche's death, that I was taken care of like how i took care of my own pooch. My Lord has taken care of me sooo well. He will not let me die so easily, and He protects me from all sides...and He places in MY nose a ring, and on my head a crown...how could i look at other guys, when I know I'M TAKEN BY THE LORD. How could anything else satisfy my soul, when the Lord has given me all my desires, and continues to LOVE me unconditionally.
I don't think I'm for just anyone. I'm for somebody special....I'm for the Lord...who looks at me and smiles...cuz I am loved by him.
I wish Amber knew this. I wish Autumn knew this. We all are weird. Cuz of how we were grown up.....we haven't had valid relationships with guys in forever...and Amber. She goes out with 34 yr. olds! We are afraid of loving a guy, i think. In the way we are supposed to. Cuz we think that he will let us down, like the men in our past. Our fathers. Tom and even dad. i hate saying that. cuz i want to think of my dad as blameless. Well, he is. through God, and he is blameless before me- becuz i know the blood of the Lamb covers him. He's opted for salvation...yet Tom and Autumn, and Amber, and I think mama all need to opt for that- they have to chose to be saved. ouch. i wish i could make them love Jesus. I wish there was something i could do to show them that Jesus loves them....and wants to take their hurts...and even mama's- who has hurts of her own. Who has hidden them for so long, and sometimes she pretends that they're not there.
This world makes us pretend we dont' hurt. This world is numb....and satan tries to make us numb to pain....so we don't realize we could have something better....
I love God, and nobody can separate me from His love. Not height nor depth, neither angles, nor demons, not the present or things to come separate me from the Love of God.
thank you jesus. You cover all the bases.
sweet spring song