Currently November the 1st a sunny and rather relaxed Saturday as well.
I just finished watching Moulin Rouge, it's funny how you can get messages from movies, huh? Like this:
The greatest thing you will ever learn is to love and be loved in return.
I cannot seem to grasp that, with the love God gives me somehow. Like, i feel like Roxanne in that, even though He promises me a life of real love, and real living with Him, in His Castle, and His Kingdom, I cast it aside to continue the business I was once in before I knew Him. I act as though I don't love Him....when He's exactly what I needed. When He's exactly what I wanted. And He knew it, and I knew it. But I turned away, I didn't think I could ever have somebody soo good to me, somebody that would treat me so sweet, and love me so innocently and dearly.
But.....
I sense a change in the wind. Perhaps I turn back, and meet His eyes once again, which were looking after me all along. Putting my hand in His, I would once again be welcomed into His kingdom, back into His heart, where I belong....accepting the fact that He wants me. Just as I am. Without changing anything, He still wants me,...even now, as I type this...tears coming down. He still wants me. He still loves me. In this horrible, selfish way i've been. He wants me? I guess, if I were His love, that had been cheating on Him, right now, I feel as though He knows and still wants me. and it makes me want to turn completely around....and embrace HIm once again....finally again, forever again...to start everything over in my heart again. On page one again. Just to love me once again. The love that I knew Before.....ohhh, that new hearted love. That First Love...
I thought I had abandoned all hope of seeing this love of mine again, thinking I'd be tossed out like a diseased dog....but my First Love beckons me. He even says my name...which is all I really needed to hear. From His voice. It's all I really want to hear, His voice period. My heart once again leaps to think my love has been chasing after me all along. To think I wanted other things! To think anything else sounded or looked BETTER!....all junk. All garbage iin the sight of Him....once again to be in His arms...once again to be surrounded with His arms, protecting, guiding, shielding. Everything I can't do, and everything I need in Him. I can't make it on my own, and He knows that. I was almost to the point of lettting go, giving up. Giving up on Him. But I said I would never do that. Cuz He said He'd never give up on me, and He can't give up on me...it's not his nature. but it is mine, but I will not use the nature of my being to give up. Cuz i will not give up on HIM...
So, I think satan almost had me convinced that this was how i was gonna go, back to the old ways, drinking, possibly smoking...pot.? I dont' know, but my mind was playing tricks on me for sure, and it seemed like i couldn't control it, but I can. Satan does NOT have control over my life, becuz i gave it to Him. He has my life in His hand. I am God's. I am His alone. And I cannot serve TWO masters.
that, along with the idea that I cannot live on bread alone, but every word of God- has been running through my mind for a few days now.
I am NOT going the way of my father. I will not give up on God. I will not give up on Jesus. For He will never Give up on me!
sweet spring song once and for all.