I am reading Isaiah. Becuz the Lord reminded me "What is the book that you like to read?" becuz i asked of Him : "God, which book do you want me to be reading?" and that response came back quietly, and subtly. simply. And i said, well, Isaiah. I've always loved reading that book. It's such a good one, prophetic, lovely representation of God...and merciful. 46:12-13 says:
"Listen to me, you stubborn of heart, you who are far from deliverance: I bring near my deliverance, it is not far off, and my salvation will not tarry; I will put salvation in Zion, for Israel my glory."
Even those who are stubborn will hear it, and some will turn away and some will embrace Him and turn away from their sins, and idols.
I realize, i never want to capatalize satan's name. Becuz he has no place in even a sentance, for honor. Of having his name capatilized.

I encouraged mama yesturday with words from Brother Lawrence about God's goodness and what it really means to be a Christian. Man. I ask myself "Where do I get off telling people about the goodness and mercy of God?? Who am I to say all these things, especially becuz of all the things I've done against the very thing I preach." I know ofcourse, I come out of my sins, with victory, becuz I chose Jesus over my guilt and shame. I choose to walk in forgiveness. It's a choice. I know. Sometimes those sins do plague me and haunt me. But i needa be freed from even the remembrance of them.

Man. I think of God, and all the blessing He's brought to me, his daughter. Everything that I'm undeserving of. Thank You Lord. For friends, for your family, the family of God that remains there, even when things get tough. Thank you Lord for my enemies, who challenge me to walk closer to you, regardless of their hard heart towards me and You. NO matter what. ....Lord, you said it to me and I say it to you....NO matter what I will love you. Always. I can't give up becuz you will never give up on me.

I think of the future too much. I think of things and plans that I dont' know yet. I think of where I am not. I should put my mind where it should be. Here, and now. The future will worry about itself, for sure. What am I to do here? In China? Reflect the character of the Lord-- show these chinese people that God is real. Love them like the Lord loves them. Ofcourse the grace and patience that I have towards them is what is the most challenging. I need to work on them. Those character traits in me. So that, when i face them in the future, that I can say: "I did not come through the fire and flame of God's refinement to deal with a mindless worm of a weakness, It does not shake me." And i can stand up under it. The Lord is faithful. That's the lesson in life for me. And at the end of the rope, i will always say, and remind everyone else, "the Lord is faithful".

Psalm 25:4-5:
"Make me to know your ways, O Lord; teach me your paths. Lead me in your truth, and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all day long."

i will hold onto you Jesus. for you love me and I love you.
sweet spring song.