I am sitting in the dark, cuz I feel as though it hides me. Although nobody is here. Nobody is looking
My ridiculous face is completely breaking out and i just can't stand it!!

Anyways...enough of that...i will be getting medicine someday soon, If Sharron ever sends IT!! ARG! Well, i can praise the Lord I will be getting coffee soon though! The real stuff I mean. Rebecka is hookin' me up! she's already sent it. I wonder how i'm gonna make it? I don't know. i'll find some way. Shoot, i'll EAT the beans if I have to!!
I am wearing my wrist guard cuz ofcourse my wrists haven't been to good. suck. Oh well, i still know that the Lord is for me, not against me. He will heal me. My belly kinda hurts on one side. wonder what that's about? I don't know. Shoot. I find, if I sleep in past a certain time, my dream or whatever it is- turns bad sometimes...it turns into things that I think Satan uses--well, that satan plants inside my brain...and then i wake up with this yucky dream in my head...that I probably allowed to have...i hate that. When i can choose to STOP some sorta sin, sometimes i completely freeze up and don't say anything- don't rebuke satan, don't call out Jesus' name...don't do anything. And sometimes that's the stupidest thing to do...or to not do. i guess

Well, I'm planning on doing a Christmas presentation with all my kids--and whoever else wants to help. Singers, actors, artists, props- managers. I hope this will be good. I hope I will be able to communicate with the kids pretty good. I'm planning on starting on Sunday, and wednesdays...we will all get together and practice Christmas songs and maybe I can write a Christmas play. I was thinking about it. it will be good. i think. IF ofcourse, this is something God wants done. it will be done. no worries.

So- i'm getting a bit more sleep. that first night was a torture experiement on me I think. I don't wanna know how much the first month of having braces is gonna feel! I will save the rest of my asprin for that i think. he,he,he.
I wonder if i'll work at DQ again, when i get back to Oregon. I hope not. But if I don't find another job elsewhere, I will work there. And I pray i'll start out at as much i was making when i left. I'll put in for jobs at Cafe's and coffee booths, just to see if God wants me elsewhere. He will open a door for me, if so. And, if he wants me to live with Sharron again. He will provide for everything. I don't worry as much about the future as I did when i was at EBC.
I was thinking about telling Josh he could check out my blogger now. but i kinda dont' want him to. Never mind i told myself. Ya. i saw pictures of him, and for some reason, I was stirred up in myself. WHen i saw him, i felt the same way i did when we started going out. Like, I was convincing myself that it's right for us to go out, that we make sense or something. I was reasoning with myself....that is was right, when i knew...inside, I was screaming that it wasn't. I wanted it to be right. It's like I know that the color BLUE is BLUE, and not RED. it's the same way i felt about Josh--like, i knew that he wasn't the color blue, but I was trying to convice myself that he was. I'm so stupid sometimes.....I could'a spared Josh this heart ache and time, if I just said NO straight up front. Oh~well, i gotta let the past go into the past.

so, yes. i will continue on my path here in China. June isn't so far away. I fret for nothing.
sweet spring song.