well, it might be almost certain that I'm going home. It's time. It's really time. I've been here for quite a bit, and I guess it's time to go.
I think the main lesson I've learned is that God is the only one that can help me, and He's the only one that I can rely on for things I need to deal with inside. There's still a lot of work he needs to do, but i can't believe I needed to go to China for Him to do it. Weird, i think. The way he works sometimes. I don't understand, and I guess I'm not suposed to understand.
By the end of the month I think, either that or Jan. sometime. I hope everything will work out to where I'll be able to get a job quick like, and possibly DQ again, if they want me. Hopefully i'll get hired on at the same wage. Not go down at all.
SO, i will type more once I find out for sure.


so it's later: and I talked to Bill, and he said he'd be able to help pay for everything, just as long as I can get the ticket from the school, the returning ticket, and it'll only cost 400 dollars. I'd be able to pay everything back in time I think. It's time to rock on. I still need to get my ticket from LA to Eugene. I think I'll try plane, but I still need to figure out what time I can leave, from China...China Air. I wish I was taking an American flight back home.
Something seems strange. about this whole thing. Like odd. Like deja Vu' or something. I dont' know. For some reason i feel as if I'm being heard, or watched, or tracked or something like that. I don't really like it that much. It's an uneasy feeling, like I should leave, and I feel like I should pack up everything soon. I dont' know why. I'd leave the end of this month, becuz Bill and Eva are leaving by the 1st of January, and I would like to be around them while I leave or something. I think that would be better.

I think things will be different when I get back. I will be moving on....like with things. It seems like my life just kinda stopped in China for a short 3 month lay over, and then is gonna continue once I get back. My perspective on a few things has change quite a bit. I'm content. I'm fine the way I am, with whatever happens. The Lord will always be there, always provide for me and always protect me, no matter where I am. And I know that. Not only that, on the idea of marriage and everything. I think I can wait. I can wait forever. Becuz it's not everything. It used to be this all consuming idea, or thought and it's not so much anymore.
Becuz i see old grandma and grandpa chinese people, everyday I walk down stairs and out to the street, heading to class. Every day i see them, sitting there on their chairs, or a couple digging through the garbage (for what- I dont' know), and they're content. They are still together. They outlasted the years of tribulation and hardship and rough waters. They endured, and you can see it on their faces. Wrinkely old faces. They remained faithful to eachother, no matter what came their way. And now they sit there, playing some weird chinese game, or playing with their grandchildren, which makes them happy. They are happy with the simple life they have, even if it is just a small little apartment with barely two bedrooms, with cement floors and not even a shower a day.
This is what REAL marriage is about. I know I was foolish and maybe a bit overly excited about the idea of getting married. But not so much anymore. Becuz I see that it's a bit more than what I thought. It's faithfulness. something that I need to work on. It's enduring, and testing and trying. It's all the hard things in life, but then- the cool part is....that you have somebody to lean on, when those times come. You have a shoulder to cry on, you have a stronger hang to hold, and sometimes, I'd be able to be the strong hand, i would be the encourager, when the other person was gonna give up.

I don't know how else to describe it all. But i feel it's time to go. it's right. everything is working out. and i pray that God would keep me here and slap me upside the head with a fish if He want's me to stay here.
I hafta work everything out with my braces before I get back to the US though. I mean, ask the doctor a ton of questions.....arg....getting a bit tired.
beddy bye time i think
sweet spring song