hey.
i just got this email from my friend in New Jersey- and it's Joseph. He was my best friend in YWAM, who i fell in love with,...and anyways...he just typed me to tell me how he is really doing.- He says he fell in love with this girl that doesn't believe in Jesus, and she's in love with him too- but He had to break the news to her that he can't see her anymore, and it's breaking his heart, and he want's to numb the pain with drinking...getting drunk.
Man. how many times....
how many times...?
have i wanted to give up myself> thinking that there's never gonna be that dream-man: that Godly man, who is a man of the earth, who is kind and gentle, but strong and tall?
How many times?
have i wanted to throw in the towel and think that it's not gonna happen for me...that my guy doesn't exist?
too many times.
but I still hold onto the idea...
I still hold onto Jesus,...the hope of my life.
The hope of my dream- or is it HIS dream?
yeah, it's HIS dream...really it is.

Becuz if i let go of the dream, or the promise of God, then it would be ME throwing in the towel---it would be ME saying "I give up"----when, i CANNOT say that or do that. It's like one of the forbidden laws of loving GOD. "I'll never give up on you LORD"- becuz he never gave up, or will ever give up, on me.
I've always said this to HIM...and I've always meant it.

It will be the same in my marriage.
I can never and WILL never give up...becuz I can't.
that's that.

But- i hurt for my brother...I loved him..--really. we were really good friends, and still are- but i surely do miss him...He's still my brother. and i wish i could see him, to give him a hug,..and tell him that "she" exists out there- somewhere- the Godly, loving wife, that God speaks to him of.
Shesh.
LORD- HELP MY BROTHER JOSEPH HOLD ONTO YOU MOST OF ALL, AND HOLD ONTO YOUR PROMISES THAT YOU'VE GIVEN HIM. SHOW HIM WHAT ENDURANCE IS. SHOW HIM YOUR FAITHFULNESS. I PRAY THAT HE WOULDN'T TURN TO DRINKING, TO NUMB THE PAIN. I PRAY THAT HE WOULD REALIZE ALL HE REALLY NEEDS IS YOU. YOU ARE THE ULTIMATE END TO ALL THINGS (and beginning) AND YOU ALONE CAN LOVE HIM HOW HE TRULY WANTS TO BE LOVE. HOLD HIM CLOSE AND REMIND HIM OF WHO YOU ARE AND WHO YOU ARE NOT. I PRAY THAT YOU WOULD EVEN BRING HIM TO OREGON TO BE CLOSER TO THE FAMILY OF GOD, AND THAT HE WOULD REACH THAT MOUNTAIN OF GOD THAT YOU WANNA BRING HIM TO. SHOW HIM THAT THERE'S MORE YOU WANNA DO IN HIS LIFE RIGHT NOW.
amen.

that's all for now.
ciao.