I kinda feel like singing that song that Pink Floyd sings: "Is there anybody out there?"- cuz that's kinda how i feel right now..
Out in the abyss of Michigan. not really knowing what to do, but knowing i need to do something. 
looking for something that's there, but not even knowing if it's even there.
 
I was thinking of something as i was driving blue around today. I never expected much from my parents. Didn't expect anything, while i grew up, cuz they never gave us much, and still don't expect anything from them, cuz it would be asking too much. It was always asking too much.
i don't know. maybe i was just running through the many fights that went on in the house while growing up.  man there was a lot fighting. and tension.  not knowing if the next fight could turn into a hand to the face or body across the room.
man things were screwed up when i was little.
and Jesus came to me.
He was there even then.- that's what he told me when i got saved, cuz i did ask him why did all that stuff happen to me and my sister...and where was HE during all of it!? 
"I was there with you."
"I was hit and bruised and beaten too, i know what you went through."
just when i thought nobody understood me.
 
Hmmm. Amber's wedding reception at Pam and Dave's house was today- and her friend, Greg- who's like 21- we hung out and talked about stuff and ended up going for a boat paddling ride thingy..(i don't know how else to describe it..)- we rode around in a boat that could float on water and we biked...to paddle it..that's the closest i can describe it. But anyways. we were talking about Amber, life and God. He's a Catholic..and it just got me to thinking-why do people feel like they need to pray to Mother Mary?  - i mean, she's not even GOD! and it doesn't say ANYTHING in the bible about praying to God's mother. so, why do they do it?
I should ask him...cuz he'd like to hang out sometime..to talk, cuz i told him that i really need to be making more friends, cuz i don't have anyone to hang out with. he's just a really nice guy to talk to.
 
So, i hope i can live in amber's apartment, once her and duane move to CMU.
I really hope.
I might most likely be going to NMC>...ugh! i don't wanna go to school again! whine, moan groan, complain...i'm just sooo sick of it.!
but i need to- i know.