man.
it just takes time.
you can't be all righteous and holy once you get saved....don't get me wrong- you can be walking IN and WORKING on your faith, while you live through the years- the Lord changes us from Glory to Glory, right? Right.
So, it's a process.....EVERYTHING is a process, and that's the way the lord had it intended- cuz he wanted RELATIONSHIP, not religion....he wanted a FAMILY...not a business.
So.
I went to see my old grandpa today- he's 86 yrs. old...and he's giving us all 200 dollars.
I asked him why and he said "well, oh you know...becuz i'm dying"- and when i sat there talking to him, i realized that life just passes in a blink- and there's nothing we can do to stop it...OH...we can AGE well, like wine- taking care of our body and stuff, exercizing, flossing, and running a mile a day,...but nobody can STOP death from COMING. It's inevitable....it'll always be looking us in the face, WAIT. No. it wont', It'll be more like, standing behind us, whispering in our ears, sending little cold chills down our spine at just the right time.
Personally. I can't wait to have grey hair. But i can wait for all those small body aches that old people talk about.
I hope to visit my grandpa a lot.
And i saw my Unlce Roger- with Aunt Renee': but ya see, we NEVER see them, cuz they've kinda abandoned the family and went to Tennesse, or some state like that- and nobody ever gets to see them, I HARDLY know my cousins! they acted like i was a complete STRANGER! and i hated that...cuz we're the same...we're family, of the same blood line and everything. and i feel bad that they don't know us, OR us them, for that matter.
Uncle Roger said that he thought I was Aunt Barb, when they were pulling up into the drive way- (cuz Aunt barb is the most native american looking one out of the family)- and he was suprised that it was me.... He kinda treated me all distant-like too...I guess distance kinda separates us- and death draws the older people nearer together, and make them see that there's really no reason to hold onto grudges like we do.

Oh, how much GOD is right....
Don't let the sun go down on your anger.
Eddie and Alisa shared this at group before- that whenever they had any sort of argument, and somebody was left a little angry about something- as they were laying in bed, they could feel the reason for that verse.... They said it caused seperation. He caused them to feel distant from eachother, and things can fester and start to build up, like Plaque!

Shesh. i have a computer at my disposal now, so i get to type as much as I can, so this is really weird.
Autumn hasn't really called and I hope she knows that she's loved...No matter how many times i tell her, she never says "I love you too" back.
That's okay though, cuz i don't need to hear it so much as I want her to know that I love her.

Man, i miss friends from back home.(i keep saying that- over here, and I'm referring to oregon!)---- i really do miss people. Brandi, Rachel, JC, and Eddie and Alisa...and Greg, and the Davis Boy, although we don't talk that much anymore...and that sucks. Like getting married soon is somehow a curse all of a sudden, cuz for those people who are gonna get married have kinda pushed themselves away from friends and dont' really hang out with them anymore. i know that's not what i will do, cuz obviously, i know what it can do...HURT. A LOT.
But I love.
and that Love consumes the hurt.
Amen.
Apes