the dynamics of the Holy Spirit:
sometimes the Holy Spirit of God can interrupt your day, or inconvience what you planned to do- and completely change everything. sometimes it can be a good visit though- where you might have thought God wasn't thinking about you just recently or anything...but He will send some people your way in a day's time and revolutionize what you thought about God or what you thought about your self.
In the dynamics of the Holy Spirit- you can't know when to expect the visit- you can't plan it or coax it out and make it happen. sometimes it just happens- like in a random chance accident. but it can't possibly BE an accident- becuz HOW did this person KNOW to say this certain something- at just the right moment?? if it were an accident, it wouldn't have happened. cuz the Holy Spirit has things set-aside to happen...or maybe it's angels...i don't know.
but i DO know that He is coming to get me again.
he is coming to betroth me to himself again.
and i want to be HIS to swoon. i want to the damsel in distress for HIM to save, and i will. cuz i've been waiting for HIM for a while now.
but i don't know WHEN it's gonna happen though.
all i can do is wait for the Holy Spirit to act upon me. and move me finally to a different location in my spiritually journey with HIM.
not a quick, lightning crack kinda love,
but a slow-burning candle kinda love...
so this time: I will learn to love Him more and better.
and He will be the example I will follow.
i don't just want a 'visit' though- i desire and NEED a habitation.
i wanna wake up in the morning with Him there...and looking at me, and me- desiring to talk to Him.
i want Him to be MY love...
El- Elohi April.
God- The God of April.
and i don't need anything to get me there- to that place of Love,.
just HIS spirit- i don't need wine...or any sort of drink to get me to the place of intoxication of HIS spirit- i just need HIM.
and it is becoming MORE evident than anything else right now.
this rollercoaster ride,
this hiking journey,
this adventure is what relationship is made of.
if it was a flat line- if it was just a plain field the whole way- that would be boring...that would be redudancy, that would be apathy, complacency...routine.
this is how it's suppose to be...
these trials (or shall i say trails?) in our relationship with God
these incomplete thoughts- where we can't figure out what's going on
these gut-twisting yearnings for the ultimate something more, and eventually finding that something more.

i think maybe even NOW. maybe even TODAY
i have been filled by HIS spirit.
that funny silliness that overwhelming joy that something IS good in this world- and that something GOOD IS JESUS.

just when i started to doubt that this peircing in my nose didn't really mean anything at all.
just when i thought it wasn't worth the race...it wasn't worth the prize at the end.

he reminds me that it is.