i am settled a bit. more than before. and this is a very good thing
i'm still seeking God's face...and listening.
and i pray that i would be obediant if God tells me to do something that i wouldn't normally want to do/say.
I just got back from going to dad's house and telling him about Joseph. and he's like "You hardly know him, but you are going out to New Jersey to go see him!?" well, he didn't say it mean-like, he said it more like - worried for me, like a father would be. But not to worry. Joseph is fine. and nothing will be bad or go wrong...(as much as i can control myself/feelings) And i also got back from hot-tubbing and swimming- at the Waterfront Inn- cuz it's closing! they're gonna tear it down! :( yeah.- this kinda sucks.
but oh well. it was nice to get warmed up- after driving around and not having my heater work that well :(- it's so bad...cuz it's like NEGATIVE WIND CHILL HERE! it's definately NOT warm. and i was fish-tailing EVERYWHERE! and i normally like to do that- cuz it's fun- but it's NOT fun, when you're not the one in control of the situation! - the road was in control of MY situation at the time. so, i kinda spun out- and my heart jumped into my throat- i was on the other side of the road :( scary. but there weren't cars coming. - so God went ahead for me :) (angelic hosts possibly???)

So- my sister is gonna hang out with me- tomorrow after work- and i guess she had her first MAJOR quarell with her husband- Duane (funny name i think!)- anyways, since their relationship isn't really GOD-based- she's got most of the control in the relationship- whatever SHE says GOES (not to say- the other way around is better - whatever the man says goes?? i don't think so- wrong Idea there,)--- And it made me think- as christians- what do you do, if you have a quarrel with your spouse>? i guess it boils down to my last bloggers- a couple blogs ago. BEING HUMBLE, AND BEING OPEN TO GOD. that is what matters-
so, i can say that NOW. but what happens when it REALLY happens in my life.
Oh - i just pray that i'm obeidant to God. and just TRUST that my husband would be too.
that's why it's important- to find a MAN OF GOD. not just a man ;)
that's what makes us different- that's what makes ME different from Amber (my sister)- i will seek God's face- I will demand that my relationship with my husband would be Jesus-centered.

See- there's this song- "The Jones's"- or something like that- and it's about these 2-set's of Jones'- in different parts of America- one is God-centered, and one is selfish and worldly.
well, one verse goes like this:
"Rueben and Sue had nothing but Jesus and at night they'd pray that He'd care for them each"
and the other side of that- is the other couple is relying in their own wealth and stuff.

i've always seen myself with some dude that was totally into the Lord-but yet still a granola dude- who'd like to travel the nation with me and go on adventures. but in his relationship with Jesus i'd see somebody who was STRONG and FIRM in his faith with the Lord. to where i wouldn't be scared, or worried that he wouldn't seek the Lord's face- cuz i'd already know that he does- and he would actually encourage ME to seek the Lord sometime- just for the sake of seeking the Lord's face. Just for the mere sense of Jesus' coming near and he (my husband) would be the encourager of that. Cuz i dont' wanna be carrying the relationship spiritually, or being the one who always does that.
Ach!
i can't put it into words
i hate the idea of putting what kind of guy i want like in a list or something like numbered and stuff- like 1. he's gotta be tall, 2. He's gotta have ?(color of hair), 3. he's gotta be on fire for the lord....stuff like that.
cuz you know what?
that's lame- Jesus KNOWS what i need MORE than i know what i need. He knows me better than i know myself. and that's fine by me.

other than these thoughts. alot has been on my mind.
especially since i'm flying to New jersey on the 4th-9th.
seeing how Joseph is in his own family setting.- and well, just to get to know him more.
i believe there's more than meets the eye.
and well, there's more than meets the eye with me too- isn't there? yes, surely surely. and it's hidden, but wants to be found ;) i guess i want to be discovered too. i don't just want to do the "discovering" myself- of him that is.

so ciao for now,
i'll update more later.