currently enveloped in this book- "Searching for God Knows what?"- by a humble writer by the name of Donald Miller.
and he just brought up an interested topic- in the chapter that is called "Naked"- ofcourse talking about Adam and Eve- but the way he described how Adam would have saw Eve the first morning he woke up-after God created her- was really touching.:
He says:
"I read recently where one out of every four women, by the time they reach thirty, are sexually harassed, molested, or raped. And then I thought how very beautiful it was that God made Adam work for so long (talking about naming the animals of the earth) because there is no way, after a hundred years of being alone, looking for somebody whom you could connect with in your soul, that you would take advantage of a woman once you met one. She would be the most precious creation in all the world, and you would probably wake up every morning and look at her and wonder at her beauty, or the gentle, silent way she sleeps." (pg.66)

it's nice to think there are guys out there who still think the chilvary-kinda-way: as in they must win our hearts (and we would be betrothed to them forever!)--- OR --- that they have gone through some sorta life-experiencing for themselves- and realize, just as Adam did- that they are lonely and they LONG for relationship (becuz that is how God created them) And when the time came- when Jesus brought around that certain woman that He has set aside for them-

that HE WOULD BE A MAN- ready and willing- and take this "woman" this "Eve"- around the garden and show her the things that he has done before she got there- show her that HE HAS LIVED a life before she was there--- and kind of like revealing his own weakness in a way- saying: "See here Eve- this was the rock i was sitting on, as I named all the animals God created- and this was the place that I realized I did not have a helpmate, like all these other creatures God has made- this is the place where I realized that I was alone and I longed for somebody to talk to, to wake up with, to see throughout the day. This is where I acknowledge that I am created for more than just relationship with God and naming animals. But I too need a helpmate. And that's why God created you.!"

How awesome. I marvel at the things God has made and I marvel and wonder in awe, gazing up into the dark starry vastness- "Will my love realize how special I am? Or will he think i'm just another person, like any of the others that has been in his life?" "Will Jesus still be in the center of our relationship, when the grind of life gets to us?"

"Will the passion of the Christ be our very soul-reason for living and breathing? Will we still be radical for the things of God? Will we teach our children well?"
OH VAY!
i can't answer any of these things myself, becuz they are in the future- but i can say RIGHT NOW- i choose to be radical about Jesus- I CHOOSE to LOVE HIM with everything that i am, no less. and i want to love others, like He loves them
loving God and loving others- that's my calling.
i have no control over the things that are to come. But i can choose wisely when those events come at me.

Ugh.
Tell the snow to stop. I was quite thrilled with it- that first snow storm we had, but really, I didn't ask for ANY MORE than that- i didn't pray "God SEND as much snow as you want!" But you know what- his ways are higher than mine- and then again- it's just snow.
But it's cold, and you hafta warm up your car in the winter, and yer socks get wet, cuz snow gets all up in yer boots...and there's always that shoveling thing. And vehicles don't really like to start in the winter. and heaters like to stop working in the winter.
Yeah- they're all happy and dandy to work in the summer- when the air is already hot and thick with humidity - dang heaters. they don't know what season to work in! you think vehicles would work how they're suppose to, but then they don't start up sometimes as quick as you'd hope for- and you scream out at the steering wheel "WHAT IS YOUR MALFUNCTION!" and it doesn't respond. go figure- the "talking" fuse has blown again. ;)


when i thought of who i'd marry- i thought of somebody i had known for years already- and one day we would just realize "we would make a good couple!"- and he would ask me out in some special romantic way- and we would go do some cool stuff together- like drive until we hit a town we'd never been in before and get lost around the town and set up for a picnic in the middle of an apple orchard or something...
and he would talk to me- about his time without me- of what stuff he's been up to- of what stuff he's been thinking about- of what stuff God has been sharing with him- and what visions and hopes and dreams for the future God has put on his heart...as i sit on the tattered old blanket, eating the last little bit of turkey and cheese sandwhich- marveling at how AWESOME God is- in BOTH of our lives...
and every word he'd speak, i would hang onto like a clifhanger- because it's that important to me-becuz i care that much- to know him.

But the plans that have already been taking place- or God has brought about- are MUCH different than what I expected.
I am glad I've lived a rich life-already, even now- at the age of 24- i'm Glad HE'S SHOWN ME HIMSELF in dynamic and intimate ways, and Fatherly ways- I am glad that God has shown himself as MY PROVIDER- and my protector- and my valiant warrior....HE'S PROVEN HIMSELF FAITHFUL AND TRUE AND NOBLE AND HONORABLE. In everything He has done in my life---
but....i don't wanna talk about all this stuff- as if it's gonna end- as if God's DONE showing himself in new ways to me- as if my relationship with God ENDS becuz i'm in a relationship with somebody else.- I WANT IT TO BECOME MORE DYNAMIC BECUZ I'M IN A RELATIONSHIP- especially now that i'm serious with somebody- becuz God has brought him about in my life- Joseph- God has brought Joseph into my life for some reason...if not for the whole husband thing- at least for drawing him closer to God- in ways he hasn't been before.
i kinda feel partly afraid- cuz he's NOW just learning what the whole "spiritual leader" thing means- and i'm the one who's kinda bringing up God most of the time- and well, taking on the spiritual role- i guess. but then, if I give up the God conversations all together- will Joseph encourage our relationship towards the things that are eternal (not temporal)- towards the things of God? will he offer up our relationship to God everyday- and lead us in prayers that included such words as: "God we are nothing before you, and we just wanna know how to do this relationship thing in the ways that are pleasing in your sight, we are humbled becuz you would want to be in this with us!"-
OR- he alone would pray such things as:
"GOD! I am merely human! I recognize I have fallen short of your glory- but even so- I LONG FOR YOUR PRESENCE IN THIS RELATIONSHIP! i don't wanna hurt April- i don't wanna shame her- i don't wanna take one step further-if it's not a step you have set before me!"
I want a God-seeker for a husband.
Becuz if he's not like that NOW- i can't expect him to be later-
how should I expect him to be during the "last days" (if those days shall be during the days of our life time?)-- becuz it does say that man will be a lover of himself and all sorts of other things...
- i'm listening to Jars of Clay right now- "Crazy Times"- fitting song, i think.
"You can't attract all the things that you lack"

i confess as well- I HAVE FALLEN SOOO SHORT OF HIS GRACE....and especially just recently- but it's the lingering thought that: "he wants me back, he will accept me back, if I just crawl back, and approach the throne of grace with boldness"- HE will have grace. He has saved Mercy- it seems- just for me- just for that one moment- just for that one purpose.
and then the tears of forgiveness and joy come back again- a big ole sigh:
"I am redeemed, I am forgiven, i will listen to Jesus again, I will hear his voice again" and all in my soul is well, once again.
i have freedom and joy.- no worries- no anxious thoughts-
I HIDE BEHIND NOTHING becuz i have nothing to hide.
Jesus is so awesome