Hebrews 11:1: "Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for and the conviction of things unseen."

Oh my naked watering eyes have seen so much in this present world. And nothing covers them now.
Oh the things i've hoped and longed for....for so long....have come blazing into the charcoal drawing of my life.
Oh the desperate need of Jesus to guide and deliver and to direct me now.

When a relationship starts, you realize, SO MUCH MORE, how much you need Jesus- to do everything YOU CAN'T. To protect you from eachother, to protect you from becoming prideful....thinking you have this whole realtionship thing figured out....But He keeps us humble...oh sooo much more than what we've thought He could- and HE does surround us- and he DOES tell us where to step- at the EXACT time when we should step- in order to keep us dependant on Him.
Gesh- i love his ways, even if it gets tough....
OH! and that's another thing- that a person cant' see,-a thing you can't learn UNTIL yer in a relationship.
NOT GIVING UP.
that's something i've wanted to do a couple times- but giving up isn't an option- becuz I KNOW I LOVE HIM. I KNOW THE LORD HAS BROUGHT US TOGETHER-TO BE MARRIED EVENTUALLY....and to be together....i love him...oh sweet Lord....I really do love him......and the whole idea of giving up isn't even in the picture when you know it's really THE ONE. Cuz, no MATTER what the problem...it's eventually fixable....no matter the argument, we will both, eventually be humbled before the Lord, and come to realize we are fighting selfishly and with no point at all. and this was a hard one to learn: TO FORGIVE EACHOTHER.
that's another big learning adventure: becuz i've had to already forgive him for one major thing a few months ago...and well, that was REALLY tough....cuz i never thought that somebody i loved, and loved me back could hurt me so badly------- but then i realize...WHEN I SIN, I DO THE SAME THING TO JESUS.
i betcha he thinks the same thing- "i can't believe somebody i love and loves me in return can hurt me so badly..." OR- actually: "I am here no matter what my loved does to me, because i loved them unconditionally. I will forgive everything- as long as i can be with my love again."
TRUST ME.- it was REALLY tough to forgive this thing- and especially if it caused me hurt- But, in seeing how much hurt it caused me, my loved said: "I won't do this again, becuz i see how much it has hurt you, and i dont' want to hurt you."
I wanna say the same thing to Jesus. After everything HE has done for me- i dont' wanna hurt him anymore...with anything. I want my pride to fall, i want my thoughts to continually be for the LORDS will- not my own. I wanna know how to love UN-selfishly.
I wanna walk in fields of green grass, high as the knees, and seek my Lord....with my love.
I wanna rest beside the fresh blue waters and see the Lord bring up sun from the edge of earth, as He does everyday,.... with my love.
I wanna be rocking in a wooden chair on the back deck in the summertime, when my hairs have all turned grey and my dog is too old to get up and run around, with a glass of lemonade....and my love.

things are going as well as expected- for how much busi-ness I have been in lately- and preparing for England and Scotland....i can't wait. I can't beleive I'll be in scotland with my love! that's gonnna rock! and- to spend the rest of that time with Autumn- is kinda scary...i really hope she doesn't be all selfish and meany- and want things her way all the time. I hope she just leaves everything up to what might just happen...i want to have an adventure while i'm there!
Joseph has been working on the van a little bit- and he's bought a carb-kit online to fix up the carberator...and i guess he's got all the tools for it! i wouldn't know the first thing about fixing' up the carb! but, he's also managed to get the sliding door open finally! that's a break through in itself- cuz when i was out there looking at the van, amazed at it's beauty and totally overwhelmed at the hand of God in this whole thing=- both Joseph and I were trying to get the sliding door open- but becuz it's been sitting there for 3-4 years- it kinda didn't wanna budge!

I still think it's totally awesome! that God had this VW Bus waiting for us! like this!-owned by christians! who are currently missionaries! and who took a road trip all over the U.S.! it's sooo awesome! and it's kinda like they're passing the blessing off to us, like passing a baton off to a runner! it's seriously weird, at the same time toooo amazing to be true!
it's beautiful.
it's exactly what kinda van I would get- if I could choose any kinda VW van- i think the Lord read my mind, or something.
God bless Him...seriously. jesus is sooo wonderful.
i hope to keep Him on my mind throughout this day....i hope to keep the Lord continually before me-
ciao