"I am running to you! Oh my girl! You can feel these scars...I am dying for your love..."
- 100 Portraits

Yeah yeah. I know--- I'm learning it all over again...He is my lover- he is my sweet love, and I am captured by him. By His romance...by his gentleness...and his scars. His scars were for me...and i accept that...taking it rather hard though. Like a punch to the stomach- or a slap across the face.

what do you do with a drowning soul? one who knows the Lord...through and through....and yet, is drowning, in a downward spiral? I have felt as such....and something happened...at church- the other day...
*deeply sighing*
and he rescued me. He took the burden off my back...i have been released again...i have been rescued again...like a scared, captive, damsel in a tower of self-destruction...
He has girded me again- with the sword...*gasp*....with the shield....and with peace going before me....as in the days of yore.
But i have risen as a stronger warrior than before- becuz I have learned a lesson.
I am NOT a scared, captive damsel....
I am a warrior...who was tricked...who was fooled...by the master of lies. i settled down for something less...than what the Lord wants for me.
HE HAS MORE...*gasp*
HE HAS A WARRIOR WAITING FOR ME SOMEWHERE....
waiting for me.
and if it's not what it should be right now.
then i shall wait again...and say goodbye to a love I once knew.
if it's not him....if he doesn't wanna seek the Lord like the lord wants him to- then I must say goodbye- to all the dreams...and hopes for the future.....and everything will break into shards of glass-- and there might be peices of me everywhere...and peices of him all over as well-
I'm about to give him an ultimatum....
and i really don't know what will happen.
i fear the worse...and i fear the Lord...so, becuz i fear the Lord most- have respect for him that is- I WOULD RATHER THE WILL OF THE LORD THAN ANY OTHER WILL THAT I HAVE MADE FOR MYSELF.

i wanna strive for holiness again. i wanna be that woman that Jesus thinks i am.
which means theres gonna be a lot of battling in the next few months....to get rid of all the junk that Satan has convinced me of.
song of songs 2:7: I urge you sisters, by the power of the deers and gazelles: Do not awaken love before it is ready.