Looking to the soft eyes that glow is like a reflection of the future to come in my soul....
the sadness would not be weeping, the heart would not be failing,
the joy would come and the hope would abound.
I would be confident there,
I would be confident there.

that was just a reflective little ditty i threw out there.
anyways. to be is to be. right?

i'm here and typing (which means at school- waiting for joseph to get outta class).
I read my last comment from Clayton (whose name i've always liked and whose memories i cannot erase)- and it got me to thinking.-
God has always given me that verse- Joshua 1:9 (for those who want to look it up) and for those who don't- here is a run down of what it says- "Do not be afraid or dismayed, but instead be courageous and take hope! For I am the Lord God and am with you wherever you go"
Clayton spoke volumes in his comment. and i am reminded of that verse once again. But his words make me think that i can really do MORE than what I've thought i could do- Like I actually have some sorta control over my future- that's not just something that is happening to me (like my hair keeps growing, no matter if i tell it to or not) But ofcourse- with the Lord unction. Like, i listen to the Holy Spirit inside- and it whisper's sweetly to me about things that are wonderful (like going hiking, or taking a road trip and ministering to whoever may cross my path) Things that are in God's heart towards me- and i don't know what to do with them. like, for instance...thinking that Joseph is the one is really tearing me up inside- The thoughts of "settling down" just push against me the wrong way, I think. But then again, settling down sounds good- when i finally get a good job, and KNOW that i'm doing the will of the Lord.
It all boils down to this:
I want to be with somebody that wants to seek the Lord with me and really has a passion for the things of God, and has a vision for something (and more personally- wants ME passionately). Becuz however your relationship with God is- so that will be reflected in your relationship with a person.
I've seriously thought about it- and, well- I'd be happy with just chillin' out with my dog- Brittany- for a while. I'd be content. I'd be HAPPY. (more happy than what I am now)
But I can't fully give up Joseph. becuz i sincerely LOVE HIM. I could see myself with him- but there's a few things that hafta change- like Passion and Pusuit of God- and my pastor was trying to tell me this a LONG TIME before i ever came out here to New Jersey. In rough terms, he said: "April be on your guard against settling for less".
And well, those words are echoing in my ears. Am i settling for less?
I pray not and while examining my heart and taking a step back from our relationship, i will find out. I will ask the Lord if HE thinks i'm settling for LESS- and we'll see what he says.
amen.
thanks clayton...yer a true friend.