dude
i don't think anyone could understand....i dont' think anyone i KNOW anyways....could understand.
the hurt. the anger. the resentment. the hatred. the sadness. the sadness that remains because of past events.
and i say that nobody i know would understand, is becuz anyone reading this that i know wouldn't understand this. becuz they don't really KNOW me. they dont' really KNOW what my childhood was like.
and i wish i didn't know.
i wish i couldn't remember.
i wish those thoughts could vanish....melt away like butter. melt away with the sun on a California beach.
i pray they could---- could SOMEBODY PRAY THAT THEY WOULD??

i've recently found out that both of my sisters have been receiving couseling...psychology appointments....from what evades us. from our past. and i'm the only sister that isn't getting couseling appointments. i'm the only one that isn't getting help.
do you think that it's becuz i'm a christian? do you think it's becuz i don't need help? becuz i'm above all that? becuz i'm a super christian?
dude. yer so wrong. i soooo need help..... i sooooo need listening to.... i soo need help.
I need love and attention, just like them. i need hearing, just like them. i need breathing, just like them. i need unfolding, just like them.
oh, i wish i could explain everything how i wanted to. but i can't.
becuz secret eyes watch this.
this very thing that i wish to expose myself on. i can't because i'm afraid.
afraid of what they might think of me.

"i am covered in skin, no one gets to come in...."
-counting crows